interview with Kim Boekbinder! (yes the Kim Boekbinder)

And now ladies and gentlemen, an interview with the lovely, the talented, the supremely gorgeous: Kim Boekbinder, the Impossible Girl


http://www.kimboekbinder.com
http://www.theimpossiblegirl.com
http://www.twitter.com/kimboekbinder



Photo Credit: Fairytale Vegas http://www.fairytalevegas.com/

1) What does ‘sexy’ mean to you?

Sexy is a nebulous and every changing concept for me. It slides around like a silk nightgown, it shifts and changes. It is slippery and shiny and fluid. Sexy is sex. Sexy is healthy. Sexy is air, and trees, and words, and skin, and sun, and moon, and more...

Trying to codify sexy, to hold up to the light, to dissect it - that is decidedly unsexy. We know in the moment what is sexy and what is not. Trying too hard is not sexy, not trying at all is not sexy. There is a balance between caring about sexiness, and not letting it overtake your life that is very important.

Sex is important, it's built into us, it's what we are made for. Really, when you break it all down. We are born. To fuck. In between we eat and sleep and fight and love. We make music, and films, and breakfast, and bad decisions. But the biology that makes us really only cares that we procreate, all the rest is decoration. Not that thinking that way is sexy, unless you like nerds, and I do.....

People who wear glasses are sexy.





2) Do you consider yourself sexy?

Sometimes. Yes. Sometimes. No.






3) If you had to pick one woman who embodies sex appeal for you, who would that be? Why?


Smart is sexy to me. Smart and confident. And irreverent. And full of life. There are so many amazingly sexy women in the world today - especially in the field of music. I feel quite lucky to be surrounded by some of the hottest babes music has ever produced. I can never pick just one...of anything. The following list is not in any order:

Janelle Monae - her dance moves, her suit, her style of not "being sexy" is totally hot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwnefUaKCbc
Amanda Palmer - friend and compatriot, she is fierce and fabulous, and I like a woman who can hit (a piano)
Florence (and the Machine) - sparkly redhead with a natural beauty, life just spills out of her

Non-musical sexiness

Molly Crabapple - super smart, focused, intensely creative, and curvy! - http://www.mollycrabapple.com
Agent Cleave - he's not a woman, but he's fucking sexy, and he dances on a pole, and he smells like cake - http://www.agentcleave.blogspot.com/
Katelan Foisy - drop dead gorgeous, and silly, and smart, and genuine through and through http://www.katelanfoisy.com/





4) On a scale of 1-10 how important is it for women to identify with ‘sexy’?

Totally depends on the person. For me it goes between 1-10. Sometimes I really don't care (though I never want to feel 'unsexy') and other times I luxuriate in the feeling.





5) Does your definition of ‘sexy’ differ from the media’s representation?

My version of sexy is different than corporate medias version of sexy. The blonde, plastic boobed, bimbos of much porn are not sexy to me. Women, or men, being hurt or used solely as sex objects is not sexy.

There is so much media, access to media, and so many new people involved in media that the terms are changing. There is so much to see now, more than one ideal. I think it's great.





6) Do you feel like women are objectified in popular representation?

I feel that everyone is objectified - women more than men - which I think is a shame because men can be very sexy.





7) Do you feel like being objectified is negative?


I love objectification. I don't think it's a problem. I think the problem is when objectification is the ONLY option a person has. And living my life in a female body that happens to be relatively thin, with a mostly pleasant face, and large breasts, I've had to deal with a lot of it in my life. It has been frustrating at times, dangerous at other times. I know it can be a problem. But...

We are humans, we have aesthetic values, we judge everything based on how it looks, feels, tastes, sounds - on how things assault our senses. It is a great pleasure to look at one aspect of a person - objectify, revel in the beauty or sex appeal of one part - legs, ass, collar bone, hands, eyes, brain, feet....whatever it is that is turning you on in that moment. And I don't think it is disrespectful until you refuse to acknowledge the other parts of this person, or the person as a whole.

Someone has great legs. Fuck, yeah. Tell them. Enjoy the view as they walk up the stairs. But pay attention to the whole person too, because that is where it gets seriously sexy. Legs are legs, and the greatest pair of legs in the world cannot be better than one entire person: fears, failures, and flaws included.





8) Is confidence and sexuality related?

Absolutely. Nothing turns me off faster than someone who is not confident.

We all lose faith in ourselves sometimes. We can all feel low, unsexy, completely disgusting. But in a world where everything can be sexy, and the sexiest thing about you is: all of you, you can be confident that someone will find you undeniably attractive. You are the only one standing in the way of your own sexiness.

And some of your readers might be thinking, "Sure, it's easy for a cute, pink haired, rock star to say these things because she's sexy all the time to lots of people. She's not horribly disfigured, or a paraplegic, or a leper...try being sexy then!"

But I've seen all kinds of people, with all kinds of looks and physical challenges embody a sexiness that is undeniable and certainly VERY different than what the glossy magazines would have us believe is the one true ideal of sexy.





9) Are sexuality and being ‘sexy’ related?


I'm not sure what you mean by this? Sexual preference?

I think that sex is hot. Gay, straight, everything in between, and to the side or above or below that. I don't call myself bi-sexual, it's too narrow a term. Pan-sexual sounds too broad. I like who I like. Well, generally I love who I love.

Love is sexy.




10) Bonus question: From what you’ve seen in my blogs, am I sexy?


Indeed!

finishing what i sta...

I have trouble finishing what I start. When I was a teenager, my parents forced me to finish what I started. I got my black belt. I played piano for 16 years. I graduated high school with a bilingual diploma (and honours). I got the highest award you can receive in a non leader position for Girl Guides. I had all my brownie badges. But now that I’m a poor excuse for an adult and I have no one to ground me or guilt me or force me into finishing things, now I have problems with following through. Even things that are free, or take minimum effort. Finishing things feels good. Reaching goals feels good. Or at least, I think they do, I haven’t been on top of that for so long that I’m not really sure anymore.
I have debt. I’ve been in university for 7 years and I don’t have a degree. I’m not married. I don’t have children. I don’t even have goldfish. I don’t own a car or a home. I can’t speak Japanese and I’ve never been to Europe. Is it any surprise that I’m on anti-depressants? By society’s standards I’m a complete and utter failure.
Why am I bringing this up? I have a point, I really do. I haven’t lost any weight yet. I’ve been blaming everything from school to lack of motivation to depression but the cold hard truth is I’m not exercising enough or at all. Or trying to. The truth is, I don’t think I need to. I am stubborn. I had decided before I even started that losing weight/ adhering to media standards’ of beauty wouldn’t make me a happier or better person. I had decided that if I did feel any better that it would be because I was writing or that I had project to keep my mind active or that I was following through with something I started.
I like the way I look. I think that’s part of the problem. I have a really nice body, a fabulous wardrobe, and I try not to leave the house without doing my makeup or hair. I have open body language, I make eye contact, I smile, I say hello to people when I pass them on the street, I listen, I ask questions, I engage in conversation and as a result I get hit on a lot. People open up to me really easily. I’m not sure why but they do. At work, more often than not, I’ll know intimate details of strangers lives and sex lives. On the bus or train, I’ll learn why someone’s marriage fell apart or about how they fell in love. I get told multiple times a day (by people I don’t know) that I’m beautiful or hot or cute or whatever. I like it.
Now it is arguable that I’m hiding behind this so that I can’t fail. If I stop trying to lose weight then I can’t fail at it right? I can claim superiority because I’m sticking up for ‘natural’ beauty. I’m being a feminist and making curves be sexy and all that stuff Dove commercials preach. But then on the other hand, setting up impossible standards set forth by the media puts me in constant turmoil. Can I eat that cookie? How many calories is it? Did I exercise enough today? Am I fatter than her? Is she prettier than me? And that doesn’t really seem like a healthy state of mind either. So do I live in denial or do I live in a place where I can’t succeed? Should my goal just be to be healthy? Is that measurable?
I think I have trouble living in the moment. No, I don’t think, I know. I envy people who can say ‘what would make me happy now?’ and then do it. I have so much difficulty thinking in terms of ‘I’m going for a run now.’ I think in terms of ‘Later, I’ll run but first, but first, but first...’ or ‘why should I waste time running its not doing anything. I don’t see results.’ I’ll use the latter sometimes before I’ve even gone for one run. I do it everywhere. Where is this relationship going, I don’t want to stick around if it’s not going to last. I’m not going to do my homework because this class will not be important to my career. This cookie won’t affect my weight, I’m over weight anyways. I’m always making excuses for me not to try because success isn’t tangible right at that moment so it might as well not be tangible ever. I can’t seem to just enjoy running or a time with someone I care about or the fact that I’m learning about something interesting.
I don’t really know how to change. I thought that maybe starting on something like my appearance and getting control of that, that I could justify letting sticking with it permeate to the rest of my life, but here I am with 2 months left and I’ve only lost 5 of the 30 pounds I set out to lose. I’m eating healthier and I walk whenever I can but I’m not exercising. Do I give in to just being a bit of a loser and hope for the best? I feel like that metaphorical flame inside me gets dimmer with every year that passes and that eventually I will need to submit to the possibility of mediocrity, normalcy, and dullness. I mean if so then I should have gotten married when I had the chance at 18. At least then, I would have done something with my life. I probably would have had children too. I’m not sure that there’s an answer. And, obviously, I’m aware that if I don’t lose 30 pounds it doesn’t make me a failure at life. If I can’t do this, it doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. But it would be one more thing I didn’t finish, one more thing I failed at, one more thing I didn’t do.
I think I should keep trying. If I don’t like the way I look then I guess I can eat cheese cake until I gain it all back. I just wish I could figure out a way to be motivated.
I think next week I may need to revisit confidence. Yes, I think confidence is the way to go.
Love
Plain old Devon.