My diet fell apart in February. Excuses don’t change anything but I have them anyways. The 5th was my birthday while one day of binging is acceptable, a whole week of it isn’t, but damn it was tasty. Then the Olympics came to town and working ten hour days. I was too tired to make lunches so I grabbed whatever I could when it was time to eat. In the middle of the Olympics was reading break and by some miraculous act of the universe I managed to get two days off from school and work in a row. This was spent in bed with my editor... umm, editing and having him cook for me and then consuming what he cooked. We went for a couple walks but mostly I lay around and enjoyed being lazy and not having to be anywhere or do anything or anyone. Then at the end of the month (nowish) I got sick with the ‘too-many-people-in-the-sky-train’ plague. Or maybe it’s just a cold but I’m pretty sure I got it from the overcrowding of Olympic skytrains. Anyways I’ve been mowing down on cookies to make myself feel better and drinking fountains of coffee and tea with cream and sugar in between the almost lethal amounts of Dayquil and Nyquil I’m taking. Luckily I didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose any either. I was hoping to be under 160lbs* but that’s not happening so time to move on and get back on track.
I find that the most difficult part of trying to lose weight is exercise. I always find excuses not to exercise or I tell myself that what I do is enough (like walking to the bus or train and back). I can’t seem to make a commitment to an abstract, generalized thing like exercise. While I was walking down to the train this morning, it occurred to me that I can make a commitment to being a better dancer. I would really like to get to the level of belly dance where I could be performing. I think I was at that point or at least close to it three years ago but it has been ages since I put on a coin belt and danced. I also have this pole in my room. I sacrificed a real bed (I sleep on a foam mattress on the floor) so that I would have the space to spin and yet I rarely use and when I do use it, I get frustrated because I’m so out of practice.
I’ve decided to use the S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely) goal setting I learning in C.A.P.P. (career and personal planning) to B.A.B.D. (become a better dancer... ok that one needs work). March will be the month of dance. Every day I will do 10 minutes of yoga to warm up, do 60 crunches (20 center, 20 each side) and weights (open to suggestions) to strengthen my core, then 15 minutes of belly dance, 15 minutes of pole dance, and then another 10 minutes of yoga to cool down. That should work out to about an hour of exercise. I have time for an hour, I will make time. To make sure I do what I say I’m going to do I will be posting a belly dance and a pole dance video on youtube regardless of what my talent level is in the first week of April. Let the fear of public humiliation fuel me to practice.
I don’t think that calorie counting works for me for two main reason. First of all, I cheat. I know I’m cheating but I still do it. I’ve used everything from ‘it doesn’t count if you eat standing up’ to not counting if I only eat one cookie, to under estimating everything I consume. Second, it stresses me out. I get stressed from not being able to record what I’ve been eating on my spark page because I’m not near a computer. I get stressed because I’m hungry. I get stressed because I’m worried I may pass out from not eating enough. And most of all I get stressed from cheating all the time. So I’m going to try something else for March and if it doesn’t work I’ll go back to counting calories in April. I’m going to focus on eating smaller portion sizes, sticking to less fatty foods (choosing chicken or fish over beef and no fries), drinking lots of water, waiting to be hungry to eat, and cutting out/ back the sweets. I’ve been pretty good about not eating chocolate bars but cookies and baked goods seem to always find a way into my stomach. I’m also going to try to switch out coffee with cream and sugar for green tea and pack lunches for school and work.
I’ve been wondering if I need some kind of test at the end of this experiment. I think I am self aware enough to judge whether or not I feel happier or like a more complete person at the end of the 6 months but I’ve been trying to figure out whether or not I needed a test to see if I have made myself sexier. What do you think? I’ve been mulling over a few ideas in my head, let me know if any of these sound reasonable:
• Apply for serving position at restaurants that typically only hire hot girls like Sammy J Peppers, Earls, or Hooters (just applying to see if I get interviewed)
• Post a before and after picture on hot or not and see which has a better rating
• Apply for a position as a stripper (just applying to see if I get interviewed)
• Apply for a position as an escort (just applying to see if I get interviewed)
• Give head shots to local acting and modeling agencies
• Go to the bar and see if I get more or less attention than I have previously
• Apply to various nude magazines (just applying to see if they’d consider me)
• All of the above, none of the above?
What do you kids out in the land of the internet think? Are there things you would like to see more of on my blog? Should I do a video blog for a change of pace? Do I need more pictures and less talking? Less pictures and more talking? Please don’t say less talking and less pictures because that will just make me sad. Is there something that you desperately would like me to cover? Do you have exercise or diet suggestions for me? I am happy to incorporate anything you would like into my blog but if no one speaks up then I will just continue to post whatever I think is relative to the project. If you disagree with anything I’m saying or you think I’ve gone too far of the path I’ve set out for myself, please let me know. All and any feedback is welcome and I am grateful for it.
Next week I’m going to focus on a touchy subject, yes touchier than sex. Next week I’m going to talk about fashion and clothing. OMFG (those who know me well, know not to come between me and my wardrobe) <- what a stupid girly thing to say.
Time to put down that cookie and spin off the weight.
Double D.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Your Erotic Creature
Two weeks ago we went over how to be confident and last week we learned how to have good sex, so this week I’m focusing on how to embody your sex appeal which believe it or not has a lot to do with being confident with yourself and your sexuality. But first, an interview with the incredibly sexy and talent owner, operator, teacher, and founder of Allure Fitness (www.allurefitness.ca).
Devon: What does ‘sexy’ mean to you?
Chantel: To me, sexy means confidence
D Do you consider yourself sexy?
C Sometimes I consider myself sexy.. I'm working on it
D If you had to pick one woman who embodies sex appeal for you, who would that be? Why?
C Sex appeal... hmmm Well, my first thought is Angelina Jolie. I think she is incredibly sexy and hot. I love the humanitarian work she does. I also find Sofía Vergara very sexy. I love how curvy her body is.
D On a scale of 1-10 how important is it for women to identify with ‘sexy’?
C I think this depends on the individual. I myself think it's important for me, and to me... but I appreciate that for other women, it's not even on their radar to feel sexy, and they are not lacking b/c of it
D Does your definition of ‘sexy’ differ from the media’s representation?
C Yes, what I find sexy is not what is generally represented in the media. Although, the media is really a big part of our attitudes and beliefs even if we don't realize it. But, I myself do not find the 'hollywood' version of beauty (thin thin thin) very sexy.
D Do you feel like women are objectified in popular representation?
C Yes
D Do you feel like being objectified is negative?
C Yes, we are so much more than mere objects; Pretty accessories with which to sell things.
D Is confidence and sexuality related?
C I believe that good sex and confidence are definitely related.
D Is confidence and being ‘sexy’ related?
C yes
D Is sexuality and being ‘sexy’ related?
C They can be, but they are not mutually exclusive.
D From what you’ve seen in my blogs, am I sexy?
C YES!!!! I think you are incredibly sexy. I was so sad when I first read that you were trying to become more sexy. I felt sad thinking that you don't see how sexy you already are. Then I read more and you kind of spoke to that, so I felt a bit better. But, yes, you are so sexy :)
And now, a story from Devon:
Today I walked around Robson square in a corset and crinoline holding a sign over my head. In case you’ve been avoiding downtown during the Olympics, Robson square is easily one of the busiest places in Vancouver. The zip line is there. The art gallery is there. Grandville street is a stone’s throw away. On top of the busy- ness it was sunny, warm Saturday. I have never seen that many people in one place before. Ever. And yet, I held my sign proudly above my head, made eye contact, smiled, and posed for tourists’ pictures. I’m not sure if that’s something I could have done successfully a year ago.
Today I was a sex object. But I did not feel objectified. It could be argued that whether or not I felt it I was being objectified. And I don’t really have a reply to that because, it’s true, I can’t control what people are thinking but I did feel in control because I had the confidence to give myself the authority to be in control. Corsets are my comfort zone and in that zone I am in control. I think that’s the key. You must have control of the situation to be a good sex object otherwise you become objectified and sexiness becomes something that is done to you not something that you just are. Just look at some of the more timeless sex symbols: Marilyn Monroe, Sofia Loren, and Marlene Ditchert. Sexiness doesn’t happen to them, it’s part of them. Now you just need to find your sexiness.
I have a book called The S Factor and I highly recommend you read it if you are a woman who does not feel like she has sex appeal. One of the exercises is to name your erotic creature who hides within you beneath your jeans, hoodie, and running shoes. I love this concept and I think that it helps to locate one if you need to infuse your life with your sensual, sexual side. I’ve decided that mine is me. She doesn’t get another name. She is Devon and I am her (although upon occasion, I go by Mistress DD but that’s more for shits and giggles). She is a Goddess but not the new age Goddess who is in every woman and goes to the spa (although I do love the spa) and lights lavender candles. No, my Goddess (me) is the terrible, beautiful kind who smites entire villages and requires daily human sacrifice. Temples must be erected in my honour. If you cross me, not only will you suffer but so will your family, your neighbours, and your accountant. Obviously I am attracted to power so bow mortals and worship me.
Your erotic creature will probably be something different. It might be something cutesy like a playboy bunny or Lolita Goth school girl or maybe it’s something darker and dominatrix like or perhaps you’re a nature lover and it’s got more of a mother earth feel. But I assure you, she’s there and you’ll know her when you see her. Finding her will help lead you to expressing your sensual self outside of the bedroom and out in the real world.
Once you have established your sexier side and you start letting her out to play, the next step is the flirt. Media has shown me that men like women who like and show that they like men, or at least the attention of men. The flirt not only demonstrates that you like the attention of men but it also gives the impression of interest in sex without promising anything or coming across as a big old slut. I have found that the best way to make people think you are interested in them is to be interested. Its simplistic but it’s true and it works. Be engaged: make eye contact, listen, laugh at jokes, and ask questions related to the conversation. This is the foundation. Everything else is just icing.
You can amplify your interest by:
• Making slightly prolonged eye contact (bordering on creepy by not crossing over) and then looking away quickly
• Touching the person’s arm to underline points, give sympathy, or agree
• Touching your face, neck, and hair
• Crossing and uncrossing your legs in a short skirt, Sharon Stone style (ok maybe not)
Oh right I also made a youtube channel complete with lip gloss video, it may take me a few weeks but eventually I come through… Big thank you to my lovely editor who well, edited it for me.
Next week is my monthly weigh in… please excuse me while I run around the block…
Ms. Dale
Devon: What does ‘sexy’ mean to you?
Chantel: To me, sexy means confidence
D Do you consider yourself sexy?
C Sometimes I consider myself sexy.. I'm working on it
D If you had to pick one woman who embodies sex appeal for you, who would that be? Why?
C Sex appeal... hmmm Well, my first thought is Angelina Jolie. I think she is incredibly sexy and hot. I love the humanitarian work she does. I also find Sofía Vergara very sexy. I love how curvy her body is.
D On a scale of 1-10 how important is it for women to identify with ‘sexy’?
C I think this depends on the individual. I myself think it's important for me, and to me... but I appreciate that for other women, it's not even on their radar to feel sexy, and they are not lacking b/c of it
D Does your definition of ‘sexy’ differ from the media’s representation?
C Yes, what I find sexy is not what is generally represented in the media. Although, the media is really a big part of our attitudes and beliefs even if we don't realize it. But, I myself do not find the 'hollywood' version of beauty (thin thin thin) very sexy.
D Do you feel like women are objectified in popular representation?
C Yes
D Do you feel like being objectified is negative?
C Yes, we are so much more than mere objects; Pretty accessories with which to sell things.
D Is confidence and sexuality related?
C I believe that good sex and confidence are definitely related.
D Is confidence and being ‘sexy’ related?
C yes
D Is sexuality and being ‘sexy’ related?
C They can be, but they are not mutually exclusive.
D From what you’ve seen in my blogs, am I sexy?
C YES!!!! I think you are incredibly sexy. I was so sad when I first read that you were trying to become more sexy. I felt sad thinking that you don't see how sexy you already are. Then I read more and you kind of spoke to that, so I felt a bit better. But, yes, you are so sexy :)
And now, a story from Devon:
Today I walked around Robson square in a corset and crinoline holding a sign over my head. In case you’ve been avoiding downtown during the Olympics, Robson square is easily one of the busiest places in Vancouver. The zip line is there. The art gallery is there. Grandville street is a stone’s throw away. On top of the busy- ness it was sunny, warm Saturday. I have never seen that many people in one place before. Ever. And yet, I held my sign proudly above my head, made eye contact, smiled, and posed for tourists’ pictures. I’m not sure if that’s something I could have done successfully a year ago.
Today I was a sex object. But I did not feel objectified. It could be argued that whether or not I felt it I was being objectified. And I don’t really have a reply to that because, it’s true, I can’t control what people are thinking but I did feel in control because I had the confidence to give myself the authority to be in control. Corsets are my comfort zone and in that zone I am in control. I think that’s the key. You must have control of the situation to be a good sex object otherwise you become objectified and sexiness becomes something that is done to you not something that you just are. Just look at some of the more timeless sex symbols: Marilyn Monroe, Sofia Loren, and Marlene Ditchert. Sexiness doesn’t happen to them, it’s part of them. Now you just need to find your sexiness.
I have a book called The S Factor and I highly recommend you read it if you are a woman who does not feel like she has sex appeal. One of the exercises is to name your erotic creature who hides within you beneath your jeans, hoodie, and running shoes. I love this concept and I think that it helps to locate one if you need to infuse your life with your sensual, sexual side. I’ve decided that mine is me. She doesn’t get another name. She is Devon and I am her (although upon occasion, I go by Mistress DD but that’s more for shits and giggles). She is a Goddess but not the new age Goddess who is in every woman and goes to the spa (although I do love the spa) and lights lavender candles. No, my Goddess (me) is the terrible, beautiful kind who smites entire villages and requires daily human sacrifice. Temples must be erected in my honour. If you cross me, not only will you suffer but so will your family, your neighbours, and your accountant. Obviously I am attracted to power so bow mortals and worship me.
Your erotic creature will probably be something different. It might be something cutesy like a playboy bunny or Lolita Goth school girl or maybe it’s something darker and dominatrix like or perhaps you’re a nature lover and it’s got more of a mother earth feel. But I assure you, she’s there and you’ll know her when you see her. Finding her will help lead you to expressing your sensual self outside of the bedroom and out in the real world.
Once you have established your sexier side and you start letting her out to play, the next step is the flirt. Media has shown me that men like women who like and show that they like men, or at least the attention of men. The flirt not only demonstrates that you like the attention of men but it also gives the impression of interest in sex without promising anything or coming across as a big old slut. I have found that the best way to make people think you are interested in them is to be interested. Its simplistic but it’s true and it works. Be engaged: make eye contact, listen, laugh at jokes, and ask questions related to the conversation. This is the foundation. Everything else is just icing.
You can amplify your interest by:
• Making slightly prolonged eye contact (bordering on creepy by not crossing over) and then looking away quickly
• Touching the person’s arm to underline points, give sympathy, or agree
• Touching your face, neck, and hair
• Crossing and uncrossing your legs in a short skirt, Sharon Stone style (ok maybe not)
Oh right I also made a youtube channel complete with lip gloss video, it may take me a few weeks but eventually I come through… Big thank you to my lovely editor who well, edited it for me.
Next week is my monthly weigh in… please excuse me while I run around the block…
Ms. Dale
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Devon's Guide to Sex
Arg the Olympics and Valentine’s Day and essays due and lack of sleep and lack of exercise and working 7 days a week. It gets pretty stressful. The stress compounds and makes everything worse. What’s a girl to do? There is only one possible solution that fits my schedule and my budget: a really fucking good orgasm.
Just for you (and just in time for post Valentine’s blues) Devon’s quick and dirty guide to really fucking good sex.
I have three basic rules for basic sex involving two or more people:
1) Be safe. This should be obvious. Use protection. Get tested after each sexual partner. If you are cheating, get tested between your regular partner and the person your cheating with and vice versa. Don’t be a complete ass hat. Have respect for the health of the people you are fucking and respect for their loved ones. It may take some creative thinking to explain to your partner why you can’t have sex with them while you are waiting for test results but that’s what you get for fucking around without permission.
2) Communicate with your partner. This cannot be stressed enough. Yes its embarrassing to tell your partner to dress like a bunny but if that’s what gets you off they need to know. You’re about to get naked and put parts of you in parts of them or get parts on them in parts of you, get over it. Also remember to keep an open mind. You may not want to have your partner take a dump on your chest but listen, don’t laugh and come up with a reasonable compromise that works for both of you. Remember that sex in any form should take place between two consenting adults. Goats can’t give consent. Unconsciousness does not count as consent. I don’t care if your girlfriend left you for another woman and you’re a fat, balding pathetic loser with no future and a very small dick. Rape pretty much makes you worse than the scum of the earth and hell becomes too good for you. Plus she might blog about it later and then people will know you have a really small dick and are terrible in bed.
3) Masturbate and know your body. Knowing where to touch yourself will make it easier for you to guide your partner when you have sex with another person. Also its really fun and if you do it before bed, you’ll sleep better.
Three steps to having good sex with yourself:
1) Have a clean, uncluttered, quiet space to do it in. It’s not totally necessary but if you’re anything like me your head is probably full of stuff already; it’s hard enough to let go and enjoy. You don’t need to add laundry to the never ending to do list.
2) Buy toys! Research online. Go to your local sex shop and ask the helpful and friendly sales person for advice. Chances are they’ll let you try out anything you want (on your hand, you sicko) so you have an idea of how it works. Don’t cheap out. Get something that takes AA batteries (they’re easier and cheaper to obtain), dishwasher safe and water proof, if it is plastic no seams (its unhygienic), and no metallic paint (it chips). If you’re intimidated by sex shops try somewhere that doesn’t feel like a sex shop. For Vancouver I recommend Womyn’s Wear on Commercial and Qortezan in Yale town. Also lube is good. Look for water based.
3) Watch/ read/ look at porn. First it will help get you in the mood. Second it’ll help to let you know what you like. If you find that you’re more turned on from images of doggy style even though you’ve never done it before, it maybe something you wouldn’t necessarily have thought of to try with a partner which may lead to the best fucking orgasm you’ve ever had. Or it’ll just get you off when you’re alone. Either way, it’ll be fun. I prefer reading porn over watching it. Plus if you put a jacket on the cover you can read it on the bus and no one will ever know... or so I hear...
Random advice in no particular order:
• Threesomes! Make sure everyone involved knows their role and is comfortable with it. If you are a couple adding a third, discuss how much involvement you want the third person to have, discuss the gender of the third person (miscommunication could be hilarious and terrible), get everyone tested. Basically take all mystery out of it. It is the best way to prevent jealous and feelings of unease. The same goes for three unattached people who just want to have a threesome. Getting drunk and taking home someone from a bar may seem like a good idea at the time. But it isn’t, it’s messy, it’s dangerous, and it might fuck up everyone psychologically. Also going through a list of your single bi friends on Facebook is not an especially sound plan.
• Anal Sex! In hetero situations I find that men are more into the idea of buttsex than women are. You need permission to go through the back door. Don’t put up with someone who has anal without your permission. They are obviously very selfish and have betrayed your trust. Kick them to the curb. My general rule is that I will not consider anal sex until my partner lets me fuck them with a strap on. My bum has retained its virginity to date, which is a little disappointing because pegging sounds hot to me.
• BDSM! With the internet and the accessibility of sex toys (chances are you have a sex shop within walking distance) BDSM is becoming more and more popular for people who have no idea what they are doing. Research it on the internet. Don’t just strangle or tie up your partner. If you are in the Vancouver area, Metro Vancouver Kink puts on all kinds of wonderful workshops for beginners. They are non judgemental and friendly. Check it out before you end up checking your partner into the hospital.
• Same Sex Sex! You should have sex with someone of the same sex at least once. Trust me. This one is tricky. If you are of the mindset that everyone is bisexual or that you can have sex and enjoy it with someone of the same sex without being gay it may be easier to wrap your head around this idea. If not then just skip this point. Having sex with someone of the same sex will: 1) make masturbation better for you. It will give you ideas. The other person may do something you’ve never even thought of. 2) It will make it easier for when you’re with your partner. You can appreciate that it’s not always easy to get another woman/ man off. It will make it easier for you to communicate what you want and allow more patience when it’s just not working for you.
Obviously this is only the tip of the iceberg. I suggest getting a book about sex with pretty pictures, positions, and general advice. You may also want to check out Dan Savage’s Savage Love column in the back of the Georgia Straight or his youtube channel.
The media often portrays women as being very interested in sex but not necessarily experienced at it (no one wants a slut right?), I have come up with a very reasonable solution for this. Ask for anything you want (whips, chains, threesomes, foursomes, moresome) and then innocently claim you saw it in a porno once.
Go forth and fuck yourselves. Next week translating willingness to have sex into everything you do.
With love and lust,
Mistress DD
Just for you (and just in time for post Valentine’s blues) Devon’s quick and dirty guide to really fucking good sex.
I have three basic rules for basic sex involving two or more people:
1) Be safe. This should be obvious. Use protection. Get tested after each sexual partner. If you are cheating, get tested between your regular partner and the person your cheating with and vice versa. Don’t be a complete ass hat. Have respect for the health of the people you are fucking and respect for their loved ones. It may take some creative thinking to explain to your partner why you can’t have sex with them while you are waiting for test results but that’s what you get for fucking around without permission.
2) Communicate with your partner. This cannot be stressed enough. Yes its embarrassing to tell your partner to dress like a bunny but if that’s what gets you off they need to know. You’re about to get naked and put parts of you in parts of them or get parts on them in parts of you, get over it. Also remember to keep an open mind. You may not want to have your partner take a dump on your chest but listen, don’t laugh and come up with a reasonable compromise that works for both of you. Remember that sex in any form should take place between two consenting adults. Goats can’t give consent. Unconsciousness does not count as consent. I don’t care if your girlfriend left you for another woman and you’re a fat, balding pathetic loser with no future and a very small dick. Rape pretty much makes you worse than the scum of the earth and hell becomes too good for you. Plus she might blog about it later and then people will know you have a really small dick and are terrible in bed.
3) Masturbate and know your body. Knowing where to touch yourself will make it easier for you to guide your partner when you have sex with another person. Also its really fun and if you do it before bed, you’ll sleep better.
Three steps to having good sex with yourself:
1) Have a clean, uncluttered, quiet space to do it in. It’s not totally necessary but if you’re anything like me your head is probably full of stuff already; it’s hard enough to let go and enjoy. You don’t need to add laundry to the never ending to do list.
2) Buy toys! Research online. Go to your local sex shop and ask the helpful and friendly sales person for advice. Chances are they’ll let you try out anything you want (on your hand, you sicko) so you have an idea of how it works. Don’t cheap out. Get something that takes AA batteries (they’re easier and cheaper to obtain), dishwasher safe and water proof, if it is plastic no seams (its unhygienic), and no metallic paint (it chips). If you’re intimidated by sex shops try somewhere that doesn’t feel like a sex shop. For Vancouver I recommend Womyn’s Wear on Commercial and Qortezan in Yale town. Also lube is good. Look for water based.
3) Watch/ read/ look at porn. First it will help get you in the mood. Second it’ll help to let you know what you like. If you find that you’re more turned on from images of doggy style even though you’ve never done it before, it maybe something you wouldn’t necessarily have thought of to try with a partner which may lead to the best fucking orgasm you’ve ever had. Or it’ll just get you off when you’re alone. Either way, it’ll be fun. I prefer reading porn over watching it. Plus if you put a jacket on the cover you can read it on the bus and no one will ever know... or so I hear...
Random advice in no particular order:
• Threesomes! Make sure everyone involved knows their role and is comfortable with it. If you are a couple adding a third, discuss how much involvement you want the third person to have, discuss the gender of the third person (miscommunication could be hilarious and terrible), get everyone tested. Basically take all mystery out of it. It is the best way to prevent jealous and feelings of unease. The same goes for three unattached people who just want to have a threesome. Getting drunk and taking home someone from a bar may seem like a good idea at the time. But it isn’t, it’s messy, it’s dangerous, and it might fuck up everyone psychologically. Also going through a list of your single bi friends on Facebook is not an especially sound plan.
• Anal Sex! In hetero situations I find that men are more into the idea of buttsex than women are. You need permission to go through the back door. Don’t put up with someone who has anal without your permission. They are obviously very selfish and have betrayed your trust. Kick them to the curb. My general rule is that I will not consider anal sex until my partner lets me fuck them with a strap on. My bum has retained its virginity to date, which is a little disappointing because pegging sounds hot to me.
• BDSM! With the internet and the accessibility of sex toys (chances are you have a sex shop within walking distance) BDSM is becoming more and more popular for people who have no idea what they are doing. Research it on the internet. Don’t just strangle or tie up your partner. If you are in the Vancouver area, Metro Vancouver Kink puts on all kinds of wonderful workshops for beginners. They are non judgemental and friendly. Check it out before you end up checking your partner into the hospital.
• Same Sex Sex! You should have sex with someone of the same sex at least once. Trust me. This one is tricky. If you are of the mindset that everyone is bisexual or that you can have sex and enjoy it with someone of the same sex without being gay it may be easier to wrap your head around this idea. If not then just skip this point. Having sex with someone of the same sex will: 1) make masturbation better for you. It will give you ideas. The other person may do something you’ve never even thought of. 2) It will make it easier for when you’re with your partner. You can appreciate that it’s not always easy to get another woman/ man off. It will make it easier for you to communicate what you want and allow more patience when it’s just not working for you.
Obviously this is only the tip of the iceberg. I suggest getting a book about sex with pretty pictures, positions, and general advice. You may also want to check out Dan Savage’s Savage Love column in the back of the Georgia Straight or his youtube channel.
The media often portrays women as being very interested in sex but not necessarily experienced at it (no one wants a slut right?), I have come up with a very reasonable solution for this. Ask for anything you want (whips, chains, threesomes, foursomes, moresome) and then innocently claim you saw it in a porno once.
Go forth and fuck yourselves. Next week translating willingness to have sex into everything you do.
With love and lust,
Mistress DD
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Confidence or Devon's excuse to get naked on the internet
I’m not sure how I would function without Google. If I had a dollar for every time I said Google it or I’ll Google it, I could probably buy Nathan Fillion (Captain Mal from Serenity and Firefly and my only male celebrity crush). Anyway, this week I started my ‘research’ for my blog the way I always start my research for anything. I Google imaged it. According to Google image the archetypal confident woman is a brunette in business attire with her arms crossed and either a toothy smile or a look of intensity. There is either a white back ground or a sky. Google dictates that confidence comes from power, status, and career.
Next I turned to my heroes, the ladies on my sexy women list. There seems to be a trend of them getting naked a lot. Well not all of them, but Amanda Palmer and the burlesque dancers for sure. Those three plus Zoe and Kim Boekbinder also wear corsets often or so it would appear from their photographs. Amanda Palmer is pretty much the epitome of confidence for me. She wore a see through dress to the Golden Globes. She doesn’t shave her arm pits or legs. She does shave her eyebrows. She is still the hottest women in any given room. There is a presence to her that cannot be ignored and I believe that it is her extreme confidence. And that to me is very, very sexy. They tell me confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. Fuck clothing.
I looked at film. Romantic Comedies suck. They are the void of confident women. The more I watch the more determined I am that they are possibly the most detrimental thing to women today. Not only do they perpetuate negative stereotypes for women but they encourage and reward them. They solidify the Madonna/ Whore complex. They should go to hell. I hate them. Action movies (which may I point out are marketed towards men) though, have wicked awesome confident women in them. They’re hot, independent, (usually) sexual without being objectified, and they kick ass. Films tell me confidence comes from the ability to snap necks.
Other women (like ones I know in real life) tell me that pole dancing is an excellent way to learn how to be confident with your sexuality and your body. I have to agree. I took lessons a few years ago which lead me to purchasing my own pole eventually. I took lessons at Allure Fitness (www.allurefitness.ca) with Chantel (who is so sexy, amazing, and an excellent role model for anyone). I’m a little too awkward to be sexy but I feel strong and accomplished when I kick off and spin or hang upside down. As far as exercise goes, I’m not sure if I burn as many calories as when I run on a tread mill but I feel a million times better. I’m a huge advocate of belly dance for the similar reasons. Moving your hips to music feels so sexy. It creates love for the parts of a woman which many women try to hide. It gives your ‘problem areas’ confidence. According to women I love, confidence comes from a pole.
Pop stars tell me that confidence comes from owning and exploiting your sexuality. Look at GAGA. She does what she wants. She doesn’t wear pants. It is arguable that pop tarts are objectified by their record companies to sell their image but, call me naive, I believe that these women must be at least a little bit confident to run around grinding everything and anything. Yes, it creates bad role models for little girls. Yes, it degrades women making them objects instead of people. But think about, men and women, could you stand up in a group of people in your under wear grinding your pelvis without blushing, without feeling awkward, without thinking you’re having one of ‘those’ dreams? It’s not a positive image but it does take balls. Pop stars tell me confidence is grinding things.
In the mean time, here is Devon’s cheat sheet to Confidence for women (keep in mind Leonard Cohen while you read this “Act the way you want to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.”):
1) Have a job you feel in control in, doesn’t matter how much you get paid or what your position is. Just feel like you’re in control and that you make a difference. Oh and that you have fun doing it. Wearing a blazer may help.
2) Run around naked at home. Do it when no one else is there. Get used to not wearing clothing. Enjoy it. See #5 for how to do this while loving your body.
3) Wear Corsets (trust me). Or more generally clothing that you’re comfortable in and feel good wearing. Sweat pants are not an option unless its Friday night and you’re alone and you have cake and red wine. Corsets, though, will make your waist small and your breasts large in a matter of minutes. If you find a well made one, they’re actually really comfortable and it will improve your posture. Plus you get to wear a corset.
4) Take a self defence or karate class. Feel strong, get in shape. Don’t start your own fight club. Don’t hang around alleys at night. But know that you can throw a punch and hopefully block punches too.
5) Try pole dancing or belly dancing or burlesque dancing or something that makes you think “damn I’m fucking hot” when you do it. Even if, at first, you only feel that way in class. Let yourself feel hot for that hour a week. It’ll transfer to other areas of your life like when you’re running around the house naked.
6) Grind everything. Just kidding. But in all seriousness, masturbate, a lot. And stop faking it in bed. Don’t settle for anything but awesome. Make sex (even if it’s only you) about you and love every minute of it. Own your pleasure. Not to go on a rant, but I find that society focuses sex on male pleasure and places women in a subservient role of providing that pleasure. Obviously it’s not the case for many couples but society wise that’s how I feel things are framed. So fuck that and literally go fuck yourself to see what you like and then make your partner do it too. In my humble opinion of an avid masturbator, your confidence will increase when you’re comfortable asking for what you want (and start to get it!).
I know that this blog is a little long compared to the others ( I try to keep them around 1200 words) but I wanted to share some thing from my life. This week was my birthday and I had to give a half hour presentation on something I knew absolutely nothing about. I’m usually pretty good at faking it through university. Sometimes I study but more often than not I’m just bluffing. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. But I bluff with confidence so people rarely question it. Anyways, I wore my corset and my version of a blazer and I went feeling hot and with the intention of entertaining the class with my wit and charm for 30 minutes. I don’t know how I did grade wise but I felt good. My point is that sometimes looking good is enough to get through something you don’t want to do. Maybe that’s not the way to get through life but when it comes down to focusing on feeling hot over running out of the room crying from being a failure, I’ll take the former any day. As my birthday goes, my mom took me out lingerie shopping. I came out of the change room to look in the big mirrors and I felt good doing it. I owned the hallway at La Vie En Rose. I admit that I haven’t worn the lingerie for anyone but myself yet but I look damn fine in it and it makes me feel good. In a world so full of crap and heart ache and misery, I’m going to take what happiness I can get, even if it comes from vanity driven, nudity suggested photos I post on a blog or twitter.
And on that note, next week I start talking about sex and sexuality and likely sexual orientation.
Love
Lady D.D.
Next I turned to my heroes, the ladies on my sexy women list. There seems to be a trend of them getting naked a lot. Well not all of them, but Amanda Palmer and the burlesque dancers for sure. Those three plus Zoe and Kim Boekbinder also wear corsets often or so it would appear from their photographs. Amanda Palmer is pretty much the epitome of confidence for me. She wore a see through dress to the Golden Globes. She doesn’t shave her arm pits or legs. She does shave her eyebrows. She is still the hottest women in any given room. There is a presence to her that cannot be ignored and I believe that it is her extreme confidence. And that to me is very, very sexy. They tell me confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. Fuck clothing.
I looked at film. Romantic Comedies suck. They are the void of confident women. The more I watch the more determined I am that they are possibly the most detrimental thing to women today. Not only do they perpetuate negative stereotypes for women but they encourage and reward them. They solidify the Madonna/ Whore complex. They should go to hell. I hate them. Action movies (which may I point out are marketed towards men) though, have wicked awesome confident women in them. They’re hot, independent, (usually) sexual without being objectified, and they kick ass. Films tell me confidence comes from the ability to snap necks.
Other women (like ones I know in real life) tell me that pole dancing is an excellent way to learn how to be confident with your sexuality and your body. I have to agree. I took lessons a few years ago which lead me to purchasing my own pole eventually. I took lessons at Allure Fitness (www.allurefitness.ca) with Chantel (who is so sexy, amazing, and an excellent role model for anyone). I’m a little too awkward to be sexy but I feel strong and accomplished when I kick off and spin or hang upside down. As far as exercise goes, I’m not sure if I burn as many calories as when I run on a tread mill but I feel a million times better. I’m a huge advocate of belly dance for the similar reasons. Moving your hips to music feels so sexy. It creates love for the parts of a woman which many women try to hide. It gives your ‘problem areas’ confidence. According to women I love, confidence comes from a pole.
Pop stars tell me that confidence comes from owning and exploiting your sexuality. Look at GAGA. She does what she wants. She doesn’t wear pants. It is arguable that pop tarts are objectified by their record companies to sell their image but, call me naive, I believe that these women must be at least a little bit confident to run around grinding everything and anything. Yes, it creates bad role models for little girls. Yes, it degrades women making them objects instead of people. But think about, men and women, could you stand up in a group of people in your under wear grinding your pelvis without blushing, without feeling awkward, without thinking you’re having one of ‘those’ dreams? It’s not a positive image but it does take balls. Pop stars tell me confidence is grinding things.
In the mean time, here is Devon’s cheat sheet to Confidence for women (keep in mind Leonard Cohen while you read this “Act the way you want to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.”):
1) Have a job you feel in control in, doesn’t matter how much you get paid or what your position is. Just feel like you’re in control and that you make a difference. Oh and that you have fun doing it. Wearing a blazer may help.
2) Run around naked at home. Do it when no one else is there. Get used to not wearing clothing. Enjoy it. See #5 for how to do this while loving your body.
3) Wear Corsets (trust me). Or more generally clothing that you’re comfortable in and feel good wearing. Sweat pants are not an option unless its Friday night and you’re alone and you have cake and red wine. Corsets, though, will make your waist small and your breasts large in a matter of minutes. If you find a well made one, they’re actually really comfortable and it will improve your posture. Plus you get to wear a corset.
4) Take a self defence or karate class. Feel strong, get in shape. Don’t start your own fight club. Don’t hang around alleys at night. But know that you can throw a punch and hopefully block punches too.
5) Try pole dancing or belly dancing or burlesque dancing or something that makes you think “damn I’m fucking hot” when you do it. Even if, at first, you only feel that way in class. Let yourself feel hot for that hour a week. It’ll transfer to other areas of your life like when you’re running around the house naked.
6) Grind everything. Just kidding. But in all seriousness, masturbate, a lot. And stop faking it in bed. Don’t settle for anything but awesome. Make sex (even if it’s only you) about you and love every minute of it. Own your pleasure. Not to go on a rant, but I find that society focuses sex on male pleasure and places women in a subservient role of providing that pleasure. Obviously it’s not the case for many couples but society wise that’s how I feel things are framed. So fuck that and literally go fuck yourself to see what you like and then make your partner do it too. In my humble opinion of an avid masturbator, your confidence will increase when you’re comfortable asking for what you want (and start to get it!).
I know that this blog is a little long compared to the others ( I try to keep them around 1200 words) but I wanted to share some thing from my life. This week was my birthday and I had to give a half hour presentation on something I knew absolutely nothing about. I’m usually pretty good at faking it through university. Sometimes I study but more often than not I’m just bluffing. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. But I bluff with confidence so people rarely question it. Anyways, I wore my corset and my version of a blazer and I went feeling hot and with the intention of entertaining the class with my wit and charm for 30 minutes. I don’t know how I did grade wise but I felt good. My point is that sometimes looking good is enough to get through something you don’t want to do. Maybe that’s not the way to get through life but when it comes down to focusing on feeling hot over running out of the room crying from being a failure, I’ll take the former any day. As my birthday goes, my mom took me out lingerie shopping. I came out of the change room to look in the big mirrors and I felt good doing it. I owned the hallway at La Vie En Rose. I admit that I haven’t worn the lingerie for anyone but myself yet but I look damn fine in it and it makes me feel good. In a world so full of crap and heart ache and misery, I’m going to take what happiness I can get, even if it comes from vanity driven, nudity suggested photos I post on a blog or twitter.
And on that note, next week I start talking about sex and sexuality and likely sexual orientation.
Love
Lady D.D.
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