Next I turned to my heroes, the ladies on my sexy women list. There seems to be a trend of them getting naked a lot. Well not all of them, but Amanda Palmer and the burlesque dancers for sure. Those three plus Zoe and Kim Boekbinder also wear corsets often or so it would appear from their photographs. Amanda Palmer is pretty much the epitome of confidence for me. She wore a see through dress to the Golden Globes. She doesn’t shave her arm pits or legs. She does shave her eyebrows. She is still the hottest women in any given room. There is a presence to her that cannot be ignored and I believe that it is her extreme confidence. And that to me is very, very sexy. They tell me confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. Fuck clothing.
I looked at film. Romantic Comedies suck. They are the void of confident women. The more I watch the more determined I am that they are possibly the most detrimental thing to women today. Not only do they perpetuate negative stereotypes for women but they encourage and reward them. They solidify the Madonna/ Whore complex. They should go to hell. I hate them. Action movies (which may I point out are marketed towards men) though, have wicked awesome confident women in them. They’re hot, independent, (usually) sexual without being objectified, and they kick ass. Films tell me confidence comes from the ability to snap necks.
Other women (like ones I know in real life) tell me that pole dancing is an excellent way to learn how to be confident with your sexuality and your body. I have to agree. I took lessons a few years ago which lead me to purchasing my own pole eventually. I took lessons at Allure Fitness (www.allurefitness.ca) with Chantel (who is so sexy, amazing, and an excellent role model for anyone). I’m a little too awkward to be sexy but I feel strong and accomplished when I kick off and spin or hang upside down. As far as exercise goes, I’m not sure if I burn as many calories as when I run on a tread mill but I feel a million times better. I’m a huge advocate of belly dance for the similar reasons. Moving your hips to music feels so sexy. It creates love for the parts of a woman which many women try to hide. It gives your ‘problem areas’ confidence. According to women I love, confidence comes from a pole.
Pop stars tell me that confidence comes from owning and exploiting your sexuality. Look at GAGA. She does what she wants. She doesn’t wear pants. It is arguable that pop tarts are objectified by their record companies to sell their image but, call me naive, I believe that these women must be at least a little bit confident to run around grinding everything and anything. Yes, it creates bad role models for little girls. Yes, it degrades women making them objects instead of people. But think about, men and women, could you stand up in a group of people in your under wear grinding your pelvis without blushing, without feeling awkward, without thinking you’re having one of ‘those’ dreams? It’s not a positive image but it does take balls. Pop stars tell me confidence is grinding things.
In the mean time, here is Devon’s cheat sheet to Confidence for women (keep in mind Leonard Cohen while you read this “Act the way you want to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.”):
1) Have a job you feel in control in, doesn’t matter how much you get paid or what your position is. Just feel like you’re in control and that you make a difference. Oh and that you have fun doing it. Wearing a blazer may help.
2) Run around naked at home. Do it when no one else is there. Get used to not wearing clothing. Enjoy it. See #5 for how to do this while loving your body.
3) Wear Corsets (trust me). Or more generally clothing that you’re comfortable in and feel good wearing. Sweat pants are not an option unless its Friday night and you’re alone and you have cake and red wine. Corsets, though, will make your waist small and your breasts large in a matter of minutes. If you find a well made one, they’re actually really comfortable and it will improve your posture. Plus you get to wear a corset.
4) Take a self defence or karate class. Feel strong, get in shape. Don’t start your own fight club. Don’t hang around alleys at night. But know that you can throw a punch and hopefully block punches too.
5) Try pole dancing or belly dancing or burlesque dancing or something that makes you think “damn I’m fucking hot” when you do it. Even if, at first, you only feel that way in class. Let yourself feel hot for that hour a week. It’ll transfer to other areas of your life like when you’re running around the house naked.
6) Grind everything. Just kidding. But in all seriousness, masturbate, a lot. And stop faking it in bed. Don’t settle for anything but awesome. Make sex (even if it’s only you) about you and love every minute of it. Own your pleasure. Not to go on a rant, but I find that society focuses sex on male pleasure and places women in a subservient role of providing that pleasure. Obviously it’s not the case for many couples but society wise that’s how I feel things are framed. So fuck that and literally go fuck yourself to see what you like and then make your partner do it too. In my humble opinion of an avid masturbator, your confidence will increase when you’re comfortable asking for what you want (and start to get it!).
I know that this blog is a little long compared to the others ( I try to keep them around 1200 words) but I wanted to share some thing from my life. This week was my birthday and I had to give a half hour presentation on something I knew absolutely nothing about. I’m usually pretty good at faking it through university. Sometimes I study but more often than not I’m just bluffing. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. But I bluff with confidence so people rarely question it. Anyways, I wore my corset and my version of a blazer and I went feeling hot and with the intention of entertaining the class with my wit and charm for 30 minutes. I don’t know how I did grade wise but I felt good. My point is that sometimes looking good is enough to get through something you don’t want to do. Maybe that’s not the way to get through life but when it comes down to focusing on feeling hot over running out of the room crying from being a failure, I’ll take the former any day. As my birthday goes, my mom took me out lingerie shopping. I came out of the change room to look in the big mirrors and I felt good doing it. I owned the hallway at La Vie En Rose. I admit that I haven’t worn the lingerie for anyone but myself yet but I look damn fine in it and it makes me feel good. In a world so full of crap and heart ache and misery, I’m going to take what happiness I can get, even if it comes from vanity driven, nudity suggested photos I post on a blog or twitter.
And on that note, next week I start talking about sex and sexuality and likely sexual orientation.
Love
Lady D.D.
I think this is your best post yet for this one, very well said.
ReplyDeletemaybe you can come help Dianna put up our pole in our place, we acquired one from a friend that had to move and it was too big for her place... so it's brand new in box still.