screaming into the void

So operation sex appeal ending up ending with a fizzle. I slowly stopped making blog posts on time and then they just stopped altogether. I like that it ended with an interview with Kim Boekbinder, aside from her give really interesting and thought provoking answers, she is and has been an artistic figure I have looked up to for quite some time so it was fulfilling to have her answer by questions and read things that I have written. I’m not upset about how it ended though. Life became to hectic or something and I didn’t need the added stress of making deadlines. At the same time, I didn’t really feel like I needed to be writing to feel anchored to something artistic and creative.
Now though, now I’m moving and I’m leaving a job that has been so much more than a job to me and I need to find a new job and I’ve dropped out of university and I’m starting at a vocational school full time in just 7 days. And I find myself being very introspective. My entire sense of self and identity is being flipped.
The store has become so much a part of me that I’m feeling separation anxiety about leaving it. I have developed poise, fashion sense, confidence, assertiveness, and a plethora of other traits that I find to be desirable within myself while I’ve been there. I don’t think I will regress but this persona of the quirky, flirty, weird shop girl will likely not be completely transferable to a career as a legal secretary. And I love that shop girl. I love being her.
And legal secretary? When did that happen? I have always presented myself as a creative, critical thinking scholar. Do I have to leave that identity at the university? It pays well and one day I would like to live in a house with a yard instead of a spare bedroom. I think I can do the job, and I think I can do it well, but will I still be able to postulate about psychiatric history of anorexia over coffee with a friend or question the sociological creation of gender? Will I come across as pretentious if I do? Can I talk like I have a degree if I never got the piece of paper? Would anyone listen?
I didn’t like university when I returned after a year and a half hiatus. It felt so ivory tower. It felt like if you knew high culture, you couldn’t embrace pop culture. If you read Shakespeare, you couldn’t read romance novels. Knowing how university students think makes me nervous about talking about anything considered to be a scholarly subject with someone who has a background in it.
I feel lost. I feel caught between two worlds. I feel like a stranger to both places. And so I feel it is necessary once again to scream into the void of the internet.
I wish that I could unload everything on my mind into this void but I settle for this lack of identity for now. Maybe more will come out later. Maybe not.
Well until next time be good to each other,
Devon

interview with Kim Boekbinder! (yes the Kim Boekbinder)

And now ladies and gentlemen, an interview with the lovely, the talented, the supremely gorgeous: Kim Boekbinder, the Impossible Girl


http://www.kimboekbinder.com
http://www.theimpossiblegirl.com
http://www.twitter.com/kimboekbinder



Photo Credit: Fairytale Vegas http://www.fairytalevegas.com/

1) What does ‘sexy’ mean to you?

Sexy is a nebulous and every changing concept for me. It slides around like a silk nightgown, it shifts and changes. It is slippery and shiny and fluid. Sexy is sex. Sexy is healthy. Sexy is air, and trees, and words, and skin, and sun, and moon, and more...

Trying to codify sexy, to hold up to the light, to dissect it - that is decidedly unsexy. We know in the moment what is sexy and what is not. Trying too hard is not sexy, not trying at all is not sexy. There is a balance between caring about sexiness, and not letting it overtake your life that is very important.

Sex is important, it's built into us, it's what we are made for. Really, when you break it all down. We are born. To fuck. In between we eat and sleep and fight and love. We make music, and films, and breakfast, and bad decisions. But the biology that makes us really only cares that we procreate, all the rest is decoration. Not that thinking that way is sexy, unless you like nerds, and I do.....

People who wear glasses are sexy.





2) Do you consider yourself sexy?

Sometimes. Yes. Sometimes. No.






3) If you had to pick one woman who embodies sex appeal for you, who would that be? Why?


Smart is sexy to me. Smart and confident. And irreverent. And full of life. There are so many amazingly sexy women in the world today - especially in the field of music. I feel quite lucky to be surrounded by some of the hottest babes music has ever produced. I can never pick just one...of anything. The following list is not in any order:

Janelle Monae - her dance moves, her suit, her style of not "being sexy" is totally hot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwnefUaKCbc
Amanda Palmer - friend and compatriot, she is fierce and fabulous, and I like a woman who can hit (a piano)
Florence (and the Machine) - sparkly redhead with a natural beauty, life just spills out of her

Non-musical sexiness

Molly Crabapple - super smart, focused, intensely creative, and curvy! - http://www.mollycrabapple.com
Agent Cleave - he's not a woman, but he's fucking sexy, and he dances on a pole, and he smells like cake - http://www.agentcleave.blogspot.com/
Katelan Foisy - drop dead gorgeous, and silly, and smart, and genuine through and through http://www.katelanfoisy.com/





4) On a scale of 1-10 how important is it for women to identify with ‘sexy’?

Totally depends on the person. For me it goes between 1-10. Sometimes I really don't care (though I never want to feel 'unsexy') and other times I luxuriate in the feeling.





5) Does your definition of ‘sexy’ differ from the media’s representation?

My version of sexy is different than corporate medias version of sexy. The blonde, plastic boobed, bimbos of much porn are not sexy to me. Women, or men, being hurt or used solely as sex objects is not sexy.

There is so much media, access to media, and so many new people involved in media that the terms are changing. There is so much to see now, more than one ideal. I think it's great.





6) Do you feel like women are objectified in popular representation?

I feel that everyone is objectified - women more than men - which I think is a shame because men can be very sexy.





7) Do you feel like being objectified is negative?


I love objectification. I don't think it's a problem. I think the problem is when objectification is the ONLY option a person has. And living my life in a female body that happens to be relatively thin, with a mostly pleasant face, and large breasts, I've had to deal with a lot of it in my life. It has been frustrating at times, dangerous at other times. I know it can be a problem. But...

We are humans, we have aesthetic values, we judge everything based on how it looks, feels, tastes, sounds - on how things assault our senses. It is a great pleasure to look at one aspect of a person - objectify, revel in the beauty or sex appeal of one part - legs, ass, collar bone, hands, eyes, brain, feet....whatever it is that is turning you on in that moment. And I don't think it is disrespectful until you refuse to acknowledge the other parts of this person, or the person as a whole.

Someone has great legs. Fuck, yeah. Tell them. Enjoy the view as they walk up the stairs. But pay attention to the whole person too, because that is where it gets seriously sexy. Legs are legs, and the greatest pair of legs in the world cannot be better than one entire person: fears, failures, and flaws included.





8) Is confidence and sexuality related?

Absolutely. Nothing turns me off faster than someone who is not confident.

We all lose faith in ourselves sometimes. We can all feel low, unsexy, completely disgusting. But in a world where everything can be sexy, and the sexiest thing about you is: all of you, you can be confident that someone will find you undeniably attractive. You are the only one standing in the way of your own sexiness.

And some of your readers might be thinking, "Sure, it's easy for a cute, pink haired, rock star to say these things because she's sexy all the time to lots of people. She's not horribly disfigured, or a paraplegic, or a leper...try being sexy then!"

But I've seen all kinds of people, with all kinds of looks and physical challenges embody a sexiness that is undeniable and certainly VERY different than what the glossy magazines would have us believe is the one true ideal of sexy.





9) Are sexuality and being ‘sexy’ related?


I'm not sure what you mean by this? Sexual preference?

I think that sex is hot. Gay, straight, everything in between, and to the side or above or below that. I don't call myself bi-sexual, it's too narrow a term. Pan-sexual sounds too broad. I like who I like. Well, generally I love who I love.

Love is sexy.




10) Bonus question: From what you’ve seen in my blogs, am I sexy?


Indeed!

finishing what i sta...

I have trouble finishing what I start. When I was a teenager, my parents forced me to finish what I started. I got my black belt. I played piano for 16 years. I graduated high school with a bilingual diploma (and honours). I got the highest award you can receive in a non leader position for Girl Guides. I had all my brownie badges. But now that I’m a poor excuse for an adult and I have no one to ground me or guilt me or force me into finishing things, now I have problems with following through. Even things that are free, or take minimum effort. Finishing things feels good. Reaching goals feels good. Or at least, I think they do, I haven’t been on top of that for so long that I’m not really sure anymore.
I have debt. I’ve been in university for 7 years and I don’t have a degree. I’m not married. I don’t have children. I don’t even have goldfish. I don’t own a car or a home. I can’t speak Japanese and I’ve never been to Europe. Is it any surprise that I’m on anti-depressants? By society’s standards I’m a complete and utter failure.
Why am I bringing this up? I have a point, I really do. I haven’t lost any weight yet. I’ve been blaming everything from school to lack of motivation to depression but the cold hard truth is I’m not exercising enough or at all. Or trying to. The truth is, I don’t think I need to. I am stubborn. I had decided before I even started that losing weight/ adhering to media standards’ of beauty wouldn’t make me a happier or better person. I had decided that if I did feel any better that it would be because I was writing or that I had project to keep my mind active or that I was following through with something I started.
I like the way I look. I think that’s part of the problem. I have a really nice body, a fabulous wardrobe, and I try not to leave the house without doing my makeup or hair. I have open body language, I make eye contact, I smile, I say hello to people when I pass them on the street, I listen, I ask questions, I engage in conversation and as a result I get hit on a lot. People open up to me really easily. I’m not sure why but they do. At work, more often than not, I’ll know intimate details of strangers lives and sex lives. On the bus or train, I’ll learn why someone’s marriage fell apart or about how they fell in love. I get told multiple times a day (by people I don’t know) that I’m beautiful or hot or cute or whatever. I like it.
Now it is arguable that I’m hiding behind this so that I can’t fail. If I stop trying to lose weight then I can’t fail at it right? I can claim superiority because I’m sticking up for ‘natural’ beauty. I’m being a feminist and making curves be sexy and all that stuff Dove commercials preach. But then on the other hand, setting up impossible standards set forth by the media puts me in constant turmoil. Can I eat that cookie? How many calories is it? Did I exercise enough today? Am I fatter than her? Is she prettier than me? And that doesn’t really seem like a healthy state of mind either. So do I live in denial or do I live in a place where I can’t succeed? Should my goal just be to be healthy? Is that measurable?
I think I have trouble living in the moment. No, I don’t think, I know. I envy people who can say ‘what would make me happy now?’ and then do it. I have so much difficulty thinking in terms of ‘I’m going for a run now.’ I think in terms of ‘Later, I’ll run but first, but first, but first...’ or ‘why should I waste time running its not doing anything. I don’t see results.’ I’ll use the latter sometimes before I’ve even gone for one run. I do it everywhere. Where is this relationship going, I don’t want to stick around if it’s not going to last. I’m not going to do my homework because this class will not be important to my career. This cookie won’t affect my weight, I’m over weight anyways. I’m always making excuses for me not to try because success isn’t tangible right at that moment so it might as well not be tangible ever. I can’t seem to just enjoy running or a time with someone I care about or the fact that I’m learning about something interesting.
I don’t really know how to change. I thought that maybe starting on something like my appearance and getting control of that, that I could justify letting sticking with it permeate to the rest of my life, but here I am with 2 months left and I’ve only lost 5 of the 30 pounds I set out to lose. I’m eating healthier and I walk whenever I can but I’m not exercising. Do I give in to just being a bit of a loser and hope for the best? I feel like that metaphorical flame inside me gets dimmer with every year that passes and that eventually I will need to submit to the possibility of mediocrity, normalcy, and dullness. I mean if so then I should have gotten married when I had the chance at 18. At least then, I would have done something with my life. I probably would have had children too. I’m not sure that there’s an answer. And, obviously, I’m aware that if I don’t lose 30 pounds it doesn’t make me a failure at life. If I can’t do this, it doesn’t mean I can’t do anything. But it would be one more thing I didn’t finish, one more thing I failed at, one more thing I didn’t do.
I think I should keep trying. If I don’t like the way I look then I guess I can eat cheese cake until I gain it all back. I just wish I could figure out a way to be motivated.
I think next week I may need to revisit confidence. Yes, I think confidence is the way to go.
Love
Plain old Devon.

Faking it!

Orgasms should never be faked because that’s just not beneficial to you in any way, shape or form. But life isn’t perfect and sometimes things need to be faked for the benefit of mankind, for example receiving the most God awful ugly Christmas tree sweater from your dying great aunt as a gift. Smile big, say thank you, hug the women and put on the fucking sweater. She’s like a million years old, just grit your teeth and wear it for every Christmas she has left. Then burn it.
How to Fake that you’re interested/ interesting:
As a person working in retail (and I’m sure anyone in the service industry would relate), I have to frequently fake that I care and am interested in the minute details of people’s personal lives. Being that I work in a niche that caters not only to bridal and grad but also the fetish market in the area, I also get to hear about the minute details of people’s sexual lives too. Glossed over eyes and a fake smile doesn’t cut it, so here is how to look/ sound interested when you actually want to run screaming in the opposite direction. *Note to readers, if you have the gut feeling that someone means you harm, you should actually run, maybe even run screaming depending on the situation.*
• Before you talk to a person, make eye contact and smile. If you don’t know them, you will likely catch off guard and possibly make their day. If you do know them, you’ll probably still catch them off guard. It starts you off on the right foot and you may make a new friend.
• Make eye contact. Some people have difficulty with this. If making eye contact makes you uncomfortable, look them in the eye when they’re talking but look around the room when you speak. Make it look like it’s for emphasis. If you’re talking about a time when you were frustrated, roll your eyes; if you’re speaking of a time you were sad, look down; if you’re speaking of a time you were elated look up and smile. If you are asking a question though, you should maintain the eye contact. Don’t do the creepy, no blink stare.
• Giggle or laugh when they laugh. Pick up on their body language and mirror it. I don’t mean mime style but use their motions and facial expression to understand what they want you to do and then react accordingly. Smile if they smile. Offer sympathy if they look sad. Get angry with them if they act angry.
• Ask questions. People want to talk about themselves. You will come across as more interesting if you say little about yourself and ask many questions.
• If you are going to talk about yourself, limit yourself to short antidotes that are relevant to what the other person is saying. If they ask you a question, avoid one word answers but keep your answers short and leave room for continued conversation. For example, “Do you like movies?” “Oh yes. I’m a huge movie geek, do you?” or “I’ve never really been one to sit still for very long so I don’t generally watch movies but I enjoyed Fern Gully,” not “yeah” or “I hate movies.” Be honest with your answers, lies are difficult to keep tract of.
• When you do talk about yourself try to stay away from going on about your problems. If you really need to get things off your chest go to a close friend or a counsellor. Strangers don’t need or want to know your issues.

How to Fake flirting:
I don’t really want to encourage or discourage using your sexuality to get what you want, that’s your life and your business and you are the one who will have to deal with the consequences. But sometimes a little flirting can get you far. Everyone likes to feel attractive. Everyone likes to feel wanted. Everyone likes to feel sexually desirable. So stroke that ego a little if it means you get a free upgrade or extra toppings or a discount or a sale. Plus its fun and your ego gets a little stroke in return when it works. If it doesn’t work, remember, its them not you. You are fabulous.
• Use all interested/ interesting tactics, that is step one and sometimes, it’s the only step you need.
• Maintain eye contact a split second longer than you normally would and then look down and smile. Basically you want to give the impression that you were caught checking them out and you didn’t want to be.
• Tilt your head to one side and smile when your target is talking.
• Use open body language. Don’t cross your arms, don’t have your back to them. If you can lean in, in a way that blocks you from other but leaves you completely open to them.
• Giggle a lot.
• Touch their arm lightly, any physical contact is good but make it short and sweet and light.
• If you can slip in a compliment. Wait for an opening. If they make some kind of crack about their physical appearance that is not complimentary, they are basically asking for a compliment. For example “Awe man, I’m so hairy I look like an ape naked” “I don’t know, I think body hair on men is kind of sexy” following by eye contact then look down and giggle or if you’re feeling brave “Oh I’d like to see that” followed by giggle and quick change of subject.
• Take compliments graciously. Say thank you. Or if you’re cocky like me say “I know, I’m freaking hot. You’re lucky to be standing beside me,” followed by a giggle and a light shove where your hand lingers on their arm.
• If they’re not offering what you want, ask for it in a fun, goofy, flirty voice. For example “So you gonna sit me in first class or what?” If they say yes, then excellent. If they say no, pass it off as a joke. If they ask for your number, give it to them if you want. If you don’t want to reply in one of two ways: give them your e-mail (its less personal) or say “oh my, I think things are moving too quickly! I don’t want to get pregnant. Ask me next time I see you, so I know you’re serious.” Then don’t go back or just deal with it the next time you see them.
• Keep it short and sweet, get what you want and get out.

How to Fake you’ve lost weight (when you actually haven’t):
Okay so sometimes dieting and eating right doesn’t give you the result you want in time for the event where your ex will be and you need to be fabulous (remember you already are fabulous). Here’s some quick fixes to make it look like you’ve lost more than the 190 ilbs of dead beat asshole you dumped four months ago:
• Get a fabulous hair cut and colour. Use mis-direction. People will see you looking hot and focus on that. They’ll say “Oh my God, you look fabulous, have you lost weight?” because they have no idea why you look so good but the point is that they know you look good.
• Do your makeup. Same reason as the hair. Its mis-direction and smoke and mirrors. Stay on the natural side so that they’re not sure if you’re naturally this gorgeous or if you had help from Cover Girl.
• Invest in Spanx or a corset. Spanx is more affordable and if it’s a day time event then a corset may not be appropriate. It will smooth you out and suck you in. It will look like you’ve at least lost 10 ilbs. Corsets make your breasts look bigger.
• Get an awesome bra. If you’re less than a C cup, get a water or air bra. If you’re bigger than a C cup, underwire, pushup, and padding. The bigger your tits are the smaller your waist will look. Just don’t go too over board. Triple K boobs maybe overwhelming.
• Wear heals 3 inches or higher. This will make your legs look longer, and your butt and legs look more toned. If you are going to wear stockings vertical stripes will elongate but isn’t always style appropriate. Seam up the back are sexy and gives a similar effect. Good quality, non saggy fishnets will make your legs look more shapely. Bare legs are good too (even pale ones like mine) but keep skirt length in mind. Super short skirts will make legs appear longer but if you hate your thighs maybe not the best idea. Long skirts will have the same effect, just make sure you steer clear of the matronly Mormon look. Anything in between should be done with caution as it can chop you up which makes you look short and heavier. Dress pants or jeans are good with heals. Sweat pants, pj pants, gi pants, yoga pants, cargo pants, actually any sports pants or pant you would wear to do garden in are not suitable to wear with heals.
• Pick the parts of you and accentuate them. Don’t focus on hiding the bad parts but instead highlighting the fabulous parts. Great rack= V neck sweaters are your friend. Tiny waist= waist belts. Long legs= miniskirts. Junk in the Trunk= pencil skirts.
• Wear clothing that fits you. Whether your clothing is too tight or too loose, it will make you look heavier. If you have to have someone help you into your jeans then they are too small. If you can fit someone else in your t-shirt then it is too big. When in doubt, ask a friendly sales associate.

Next week I think its update time. I’m sorry about being not on top of the last few weeks. Finals, papers, and general stress was just a bit too much to be able to keep up with. But now the semester is over! Yay!
Fake it till you make it.
D

oh the lateness...

So I missed a post last week. I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit all over the place.
I’m being healthy. I’m eating well. I had a McDonald’s hamburger the other day and it just about killed me. Excessive sugar makes me sick to my stomach, whereas before I lived off excessive amounts of sugar. I’m partaking in light to moderate exercise every day. Mostly, I’ve been walking. I walk down to the train/ bus. I walk before my shift starts. I walk home from the bus/ train. I do weights and crunches about three times a week and I pole dance whenever the mood strikes me. I’m sleeping 7 hours a night instead of 10 but I feel more rested and I don’t nap anymore. I have less days where I don’t feel like getting off the sofa, they’re still there but it’s definitely less frequent. But, there is no significant change to my weight. I think I’ve maybe lost another two or three pounds.
The thing is my motivation is gone. And when my motivation is gone, I let things slip by. I ‘forget’ to do assignments for school, laundry gets delayed, my room gets messier. I just stop caring about things that don’t have a tangible and instant goal or gratification. Yes, the gratification needs to come faster than clean laundry. I can understand why in the past I’ve turned to food or alcohol or sex or the internet for that kind of satisfaction. Thank Goodness, I never tried crack. As far as food and alcohol goes, it’s not very respectful to my body or myself to try and ‘fix’ what ails me with chocolate chip cookies and red wine (mmm chocolate chip cookies and red wine). But it works, or at least it works for an hour, sometimes two. Sex, I’m not giving up but for the past year I’ve been correcting my bad habits of confusing sex with love and confusing orgasms with validation. As for the internet, I love it. It numbs my mind so that I don’t have to concentrate on term papers, bills, or what so-and-so said about what’s-her-face. Eating isn’t bad, drinking isn’t bad, Sex and the internet aren’t bad, but using them as sources for happiness is bad because it’s a false happiness. Boyfriends can be a source of part of your happiness but they shouldn’t be what the happiness is dependent on.
I need to make changes in my life. My down days are starting to outnumber my not down days. I want it to be the other way around. I want to make progress in the project. I want to see it through to the end. I don’t want to live my sofa. So I have compiled a list of things that I have with the help of loved that could potentially get me back on track so I don’t feel like such a failure all the time. I’m also providing a timeline for each so that I can measure my progress.
*Go to counselling. Its time. There are things I need professional help to work out. And that’s all I have to say about that. (April 14th)
*Find an exercise routine (that is more intense than walking) that works for me. One that I will stick to and be excited to do. I’m thinking I should go back to martial arts, or dancing, or try going to the gym again. (May 1st)
*Find an artistic outlet. Maybe drawing, maybe playing music again. (May 1st)
*Create a clean and welcoming space for me to live in. (May 1st)
*Spend time with friends. Try to make social engagement once a week with people I love and who love me back (Ongoing)
I also want to learn to wear heels. My cousin (who is moving away soon, *pout*) gave me a late birthday present yesterday, a book called The Girl’s Guide to Almost Everything. It’s pretty rad. I predict it will have some influence over my blog. But the author frequently talks about wearing heels as a way to brighten up your day, and I believe that to be true. I think that you can make yourself feel better by looking really hot. She mentions something to the effect of the shittier you feel, the more elegant you should dress. Beauty is skin deep but sometimes the transformation can happen from the outside in.
I mentioned that I’ve lost almost no weight, but there has been changes in the way I am viewed by others. I get hit on way more than I ever have before. Maybe I didn’t notice before, but I get called beautiful daily by people I don’t know. I’m not sure what to gather from this. Do I come across as more confident, approachable, friendly than I did before? Have I actually lost weight and my scale is just fucking with me? People in general think I’m charming, funny, and hot. I’m, for once, not being conceited because they feel the need to inform me that I am charming, funny, and hot. Was it because I used to have a shaved head and now I have hair? Do I carry myself differently? I have no idea, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like.
Pole video is coming. I’m having technical difficulties. My webcam lacks the ability to show enough of me or the pole so I’m trying to come up with a solution. If I can’t find one by next week then I’ll just post a poor quality video and you’ll have to deal with it.
Tazo tea’s Zen tea is a nice alt to wine, in case anyone was wondering.
Apples are a good alt to cookies.
Okay I’m going to try to be a grown up for a little bit now. Next week, how to fake it!



Love,
The big d

makeup!

I have written and re-written this post multiple times and the conclusion that I have come to is that makeup is really boring to write about. I also started questioning why I put more effort into my blog posts than my homework. Hmm... Anyways, makeup is supposed to make us look prettier. I have come up with criteria for a pretty face based off the half assed research I did while I was watching Doctor Who and cooking dinner and painting my nails. So here it is:
-Symmetry: Some scientists did a study somewhere, and they found that a large number of people prefer symmetrical facial to non symmetrical. If you believe in evolution then apparently that is somehow responsible for this and it is mirrored in the animal kingdom. If you don’t believe in evolution, then I guess God is just fucking with humanity again or maybe there is something in the bible explaining it. I don’t know. I just know what they (aka the board of shadowy figures) say and they say that people are attracted to people with symmetrical faces.
There is a lot that makeup can do but short of cosmetic surgery or the makeup artist ensemble of Avatar, I’m not really sure how to fix a noticeable lack of symmetry in the face. All I would suggest is to not emphasis any irregularities. For example if your left eye is larger than your right, don’t highlight it with hot pink eye shadow. Actually, do us all a favour, avoid hot pink eye shadow all together, everyone. You are not pretty woman.
-Youth: Yup the younger you look, the ‘prettier’ you become. I know it’s not fair. Wisdom and experience should be considered beautiful. Angelica Houston is one of the sexiest women alive and I’m kicking myself for forgetting her on my list. I’ve had a crush on her since Witches even though she scared the crap out of me. But my point, it’s not fair but it makes sense. Humans are here to procreate, its built into our genes to find someone to reproduce with who is fertile and generally speaking women lose the fertileness around the time they get wrinkles.
Having good skin helps. But a good foundation and cover up and powder can hide a multitude of sins. Accentuating your eyes by using an eye liner or creating smoky eyes make them look bigger and wider to fake that innocence. Ironically enough a dark shadow used for the smoky eyes will create bedroom eyes that scream come hither. So you’ll be a wide eyed, innocent little virgin waiting to be fucked.
-Clear skin: Bah, bane of my existence. I’m 25, I drink boat loads of water, I wash my face with a 4 step system and I still get acne. Sigh. Clear skin is sexy because I don’t have it. POUT. Okay sorry. I think this one goes make to choosing a mate to parent mankind with. Clear skin indicates youth, health, and fertility, all qualities you’d look for in a gal you wanna knock up.
Drink lots of water. Find a skin care regime that works for you. Wash your face in the morning and before you go to bed. Moisturize with an SPF moisturizer. Eat foods that are good for you. And if you still are a mess, then all hail Cover Girl.
-Lips. Apparently the lips on your face mirror your twat’s lips. So the redder and fuller they are then the readier you look for sex. Mmm... Think about that the next time you kiss your grandparents. Whether or not that is the reason full lips are considered sexy, there is truth to full lips being sexier. Think of Angelina Jolie.
If you have thin lips use a lip liner pencil to trace the outside of your lips. Don’t go overboard so you look like a clown. Then fill in the rest of your lips and use a gloss on top of that. If you already have full lips you may want to use a mat lip stick over a gloss as to not call too much attention to your kisser. Too much of a good thing may still be a good thing but it’s also still too much. You don’t need to rub it in to the rest of us. If you have somewhere between thin and super full lips then you can go for either gloss or a mat lip colour.
*A note on colour. Very few people can successfully pull of lady of the night red. So unless you’ve got a whole 1930’s movie harlot thing going on (with hair and makeup and wardrobe) or you’re going for the look of a street walker then you’ll want to pick something a little more natural looking. The friendly sales girl at your local makeup counter will likely be more than happy to help you find what you need.
I was going to make a video to show you how to put on makeup but the truth is that I really don’t have any authority on putting on makeup. In all honesty, the entire contents of my makeup bag is likely less than $100. I use $2 mascara. It serves its purpose for me but I know it’s not top of the line awesome shit that an educated makeup artist would tell you to wear. But I did find this video on the youtube for your viewing pleasure.



As colour goes I think natural colours are more appealing to men. I have this theory that women wear makeup for other women more than they do for men. Men don’t know half the time whether or not women wear makeup or how it was applied or what colour they are wearing. And I’m pretty sure electric blue and neon green scare them a little bit. So stick to the natural colour palate. But black is always good, says the girl who works in a goth shop.
Random Tips
-Think about where/ when you are wearing your makeup. Vamping it up may not be appropriate for a PTA meeting. Going fresh faced isn’t always the best idea for a gown/ tux gala event. You’re going to do your hair, do your face too.
-Drag queens are men performing the female gender. It is supposed to be exaggerated because it’s a performance. You are not performing. Don’t be heavy handed with your makeup.
-Don’t wear makeup to the gym. It’s bad for your skin. Plus your there to work out not get a man. It’s a health club not a dance club. Also you’ll look like a tool.
I’m sorry if this post has come across as trite. As a youngster, I wanted to be a makeup artist. I had books and a kit with every colour of every product imaginable. If I had written this ten years ago, it would have been much more interesting. When I sat down to write about makeup I was drawing a blank. I’m sorry. I blame the government.
Next week is my monthly update which will include a video of my pole dancing and belly dancing. I don’t think I’ve lost any weight. I think I’ve only managed to maintain, but we’ll see next week.
Love
Devo (whip it. Whip it, good.)

RANT

Oh baby, its rant time.

Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that for actresses, tv personalities, models, and even singers being gorgeous is part of the job. There are whole teams of people assigned to making sure that they look good. Nutritionist tell them what to eat, trainers tell how to exercise, dermatologists make their skin flawless, makeup artists make their skin more flawless, photo shop artists make their skin even more flawless (not to mention make their tits look bigger, their waist look smaller, and plethora of other alterations), and the photography team makes sure all their equipment erase any other ‘imperfections’.

My body is perfect. With maybe the exception of a slight chemical imbalance in my brain, it does everything it is supposed to do, and it does it all without me consciously having to tell it to. Blood circulates, wounds heal, nose hair filters, and my body is functionally perfect. So why can’t I just be grateful and enjoy that I have this high tech, brilliant piece of machinery at my disposal to carry around my sentient, conscious self? It’s the sentient, conscious self that prevents me from just being grateful. The thing that makes me human prevents me from appreciating my perfect body, which is kind of ironic because it’s that human part that allows me to be aware that it should be appreciated. Did that make anyone else dizzy?

You may be thinking ‘Devon, I enjoy your blog, but where the fuck are you going with this? Last week you said you were going to talk about makeup. I’m confused. You haven’t even said fucking this or fucking that yet.” Well first of all fucking fuck. Second of all, I lied, makeup will come later. And third, I need to get this out of me, off my chest, out the door, and if possible on a rocket to the fucking moon.

I got my fucking period this week and I was PMSing like mad. I ate an entire chocolate shop (including the poor sales girl), I listened to so much Cake that I wondered if any relationship ever works out, I projectile vomited, I gained weight, and I felt so fucking insecure that it lead to some very poor decisions on my part as well as several fits of uncontrollable crying. Luckily, I was able to keep being mean to a minimum, or at least to other people. I was very, very mean to myself. If I could bruise from mentally beating myself up; I would be blacker and bluer than if I was pushed down a couple of flights of stairs followed by being run over by an elephant.
I am told I am a confident woman. I feel more confident now than I ever have before. I don’t take shit anymore. I tell people to fuck off when they put me down or get in my space or whatever and once in a while I hit them when they don’t listen. But fuck me, I felt so shitty this week that I could have been convinced to join a cult and drink the Kool-Aid that will send me to utopia. I felt so broken. I felt fat, ugly, old, stupid, dull, and bitchy, I was drawn into this perpetual cycle of being not good enough. I felt like everyone knew that I wasn’t good enough but that they hung around me because there was nothing better to do (note to anyone who feels this way 24/7, see a doctor. You might be depressed.).

I convinced myself that my editor wanted to edit for someone else even though he’s never said or done anything to suggest he felt that way, aside from comment on the attractiveness of another writer. I am so fucking aware that someone else being attractive doesn’t make me unattractive. I find so many men and women really fucking hot. I have a mad crush on Nathan Fillion and I would give Amanda Palmer tongue any day of the week but that doesn’t diminish my (purely professional) attraction to my super sexy editor. And yet, I felt like he wanted to work for this other girl instead. I started looking top ten sexiest women lists and comparing myself to them and I kept coming up short. It compounded until in my stupidity and insecurity I asked my editor if he thought I actually needed to lose weight. He said yes. And I shut down. In his defense, he reminded me that losing weight is part of this blog, and that I seem happier when I weigh a bit less. Also he didn’t know what had been going through my head because I hadn’t told him. He didn’t mean I was fat. He didn’t mean I wasn’t sexy. He didn’t mean that he didn’t find me attractive. But in my head, all those things came rushing at me. So I hid in my almost dark room and belly danced until I didn’t feel like crying anymore.

What’s the fucking point of my story? It is that I have this belief that women are conditioned to be insecure. It might be an evolutionary thing. We must look better than our sisters so that we can get the best seed to secure our legacy. It might be a capitalist economical thing. If we are happy with our selves then we won’t need to buy things to make us better. It might be the media creating a need to fill. If we don’t need someone to tell us how to be then all those tv make over show hosts, entertainment gossipers, talk show hosts ect would be out of work. It may be everything combined. It may all be fucking bullshit. But using other women as a measuring stick needs to stop because there will always be someone thinner, pretty, bustier, flatter, and curvier out there and the insecurity will always be there. It will work its way through the cracks and fuck up your life. You need to love your fucking body all the fucking time because without it, you’d just be a brain in a jar. As soon as I figure out how to do this, I will let you know. I love my body 84.7% of the time. I know that everyone needs to be down occasionally to experience the good but not loving my body shouldn’t be part of that. There’s enough crap in life to be depressed about it, my perfectly functional body should/ will not be part of that crap.

That being said, I’m not giving up. I’m continuing with my blog and this project. But at the end of the day, my primary concern is that I’m going to do what is best for me physically and mentally. So if I need to eat a fucking cookie, stand naked in front of a mirror and love/ appreciate the way I look right now, then I will. And if a week after I eat that cookie I regret it when I’m looking at a picture of Meagan Fox, I’m going to tell her to lick my clit and love that I have a fabulous, fat filled pair of knockers.

Sexy is what I say it is, and damn I’m a sexy chick.

Next week is makeup, no for real this time.

Kisses
D.D.

interviews!

So this week I thought I’d take a week off and let other people do the writing for me. I have exciting interviews for your reading pleasure. First an e-mail interview I did with the stunning Yeti, Dutch accordion goddess from France, next some smart/ awesome boys I know answer some questions for me, and finally a video interview with Rock star/ Fashion icon/ Vancouver designer/ Empress of all Worlds (but you can call her ‘her greatness’) Sanne Lambert owner/ operator of Venus & Mars. Enjoy! ( I know I did...)

Yeti!



1) For those who don't know of you, could you give a brief biography.

What? Not everybody knows of me yet?
OK there we go...
I was doing serious studies to become a graphic designer in Holland, when I found an old accordion, covered with dust in some hidden corner of a second hand shop in Prague. I took it home, mostly for its flowered bellow and its woodcraft, but when I tried to play it, I discovered a beautiful melancholic sound and very soon I started to like typing on its pearl keyboard much more than on the plastic computer one.
My artschool certificate ended up in the paper-bin, I packed my bags and travelled with my squeeze box to the south of France, got seduced by its weather, the nature, the lovely villages and a man living in a charming town called Montpellier. The man disappeared, but Montpellier stayed. So did I.
I learned more or less how to speak French and used to sing and play the accordion in the streets.
Months turned into years, the streets made place for real stages where I met other like-minded musiciens and in 2000 I started my band Yeti ( www.myspace.com/yetila ). Yeti is the French homonym of my real Dutch name Jetty.
First covering old French songs and then creating my own (in French, s'il vous plaît!), I've been playing solo or with the band in festivals and clubs all over Europe and Quebec and recorded 2 CDs.

2) What is your definition of sexy?
A contagious state of feeling nice and beautiful in your body. I find someone sexy when he or she makes me feel sexy. But careful! Someone can be really sexy on a picture but looking like a rusty nail in real. Or having a very harsh high-pitched voice or a dusty smell that destroys everything. And if someone who's not sexy but who tries to act like, it's mostly tragi-comical.

3) Coming from Europe, do you notice a difference in what is considered sexy in France versus what is considered sexy in North America?
Even within Europe (just like in North America), every country, every region has differences in what is considered sexy already! Fashions are different, just like cultures, religions, eating traditions and backgrounds. For my example, being a Dutch woman of average height means being some sort of giant in the South of France. I don't think that a lot of Mediterranean men are able to find a giant girl called Yeti sexy...
But for sure, as soon you switch on TV, one might think that all sexy-considered women are twin sisters, no matter if they are American, Polish or French. These are sisters from The Big Skeleton Family, stuffed with hormones to maintain their big tits. We might be able to distinguish the American by their tendency to exaggerate their body-sculpting in fitness centers and the portions of botox that make their faces even more expressionless. But can we generalize cultures by watching TV? I don't think so. I hope not, anyway.

4) Do you feel that there are impossible or unreasonable beauty standards places upon French women, American women?
Of course! I mentioned already the ridiculous no-weight and zero-wrinkle-standards, you mentioned them as well in your blog, everybody knows about them, we all think it's bad and stupid and still the world seems to adore naked bones smoothened up by tons of make-up and Photoshop-effects... Real nature seems to scare. And unfortunately there are still a lot of women who think that one needs to follow these strict beauty-rules in order to be actually beautiful and sexy.

5) If you could pick a celebrity to define the media's or society as whole's representation of what is sexy, who would you pick?
Penelope Cruz. We're seeing her a little too much these days (at least in Europe), even in commercials and big-audience movies and I think that's a shame, but she remains for me a real sex bomb, a great actress, with an incredible spanish volcano-like character.

6) For you personally, does your sex appeal (as judged by other people) have an impact on your confidence or self esteem?
Well, it always gives a nice feeling if you please someone you like, no? It makes me happy when a man or a woman gives me a sincere compliment about my sex appeal, just as I need honest remarks about my art or my personality. But it depends how it's given. So please no wandering hands, dirty whispers or hysterically horning cars in the streets for me!

7) Do you consider yourself sexy?
Oooooh... that depends totally on my mood. Yes, there are days that I find myself incredibly sexy. It often goes together with enjoyment of life. On these days I think being surrounded by only very sexy people, the food I'm eating being delicious and the weather great. Even if it rains and I'm struggling on my bike for example. I will just loooove that natural water falling so gently on my head and body, turning me right away into a number one miss wet t-shirt. On a day like that, I could easily fall of my bike and in love with the first guy that helps me getting up.
But other days I think I'm as sexy as an old wrinkled potato. I'll only notice how, after a long intense struggle, crucial parts of my body definitely have given up their fight against the universal gravity power, I'll feel tired, useless and silly. If I fall of a bike on such a day, I would just stay splashed down on the floor, and nobody would even bother to pick me up, for I'll be way too scary with a stupid bad grim on my face.
Being on stage helps a lot! I guess it's like sport: singing and playing in front of an audience provoke a lot of natural drugs in your body that make you feel amazingly good and often quite sexy after a concert. And the more gigs you do, the more you get addicted to them.

8) As an artist and a musician, where do you draw the line between sexual identity and art? Is there a line? Is it fluid?
I think one can't generalize. It depends on the art and the artist. But for me, I think it's fluid and I play with it. It's a lot of fun. My show is quite theatrical and my lyrics talk a lot about love-disasters, so it can happen that in one single song I'm acting like a really sexy girl in the beginning to become a wrinkled potato in the end. Happy coincidence, they're both part of me!

And finally, Do you consider me sexy and what would you suggest I do to make myself more media accessible?
Oh yes Devon! You are really sexy! And very funny, honest and full of phantasy. Don't change. And please don't try to make yourself more media accessible just with your sex appeal. That would be a bit reductive, wouldn't it? Wish you good luck!

Boys!
1. What does a sexy women mean/ look like/ act like to you? Feel free to describe or use a celebrity to illustrate your point.

C: A woman who is sexually confident and uninhibited. Someone who doesn't look to the crowd for what to do, doesn't worry about what other people think of her. She goes after what she wants when it come to sex and relationships. She is glamourous with a keen fashion sense and is used to being the center of attention in a room. Lady Gaga is the first celebrity to come to mind. Personally if you were to ask me what type of woman do i prefer aestetically I would say: Caucasian Eastern European women with Raven colour hair... but I've had relationships with women of a few different ethnicities and it's not that important. The important thing is that they are somewhat slender / in shape (not anywhere close to as extreme as run way models though, those women look gross) plenty of meat on the breasts and but is also very nice. Any unnatural died colour like pink is also very hot as well. I tend to prefer goth or alternative type women... I don't think my opinion of what is sexy is too far off the media as far as body type goes, all though like i said runway models who are skin and bones are disgusting and there are some women in popular culture who are a little on the too skinny side...

R: Sexy is not just looks, yes they are a part of it but not completely, its the attitude that goes with it. I've talked to chicks who have the sexy look but when they start talking they are complete bitches and loose all sex appeal. some one who is sexy is a) not a complete freak show (although bearded ladies are goddesses) b) comfortable with them selfs and shows it proudly

B: It seems more and more that I'm attracted to women with confidence. A woman who is assertive, but not pushy. As far as how a woman acts, I'm far mor appreciative of someone who can sustaine a conversation with valid and insightful opinions, rather than a good set of lady parts, a bleached mop and glowy orange peeling skin. If I were to relate my taste to a mainstream celebrity or actress, I'd say a mix of Dita Von Tease, Rosario Dawson, and liv Tyler. And maybe a little Patrick swayze for good asskicking measure.....

2. If you could pick one woman that you feel represents the media's definition of a sexy woman who would that be? Does she differ from what your representation of sexy is? Is she the same?

C: I guess Lady Gaga again comes to mind, all though some people in mainstream culture seem to think she is too weird or a slut... Those are the people who seem to be more conformist and or the moral right wingers who care more what people think. There is a spectrum of what is considered sexy in culture with room for lots of variables. To be honest Gaga is the only female in popular music who i find interesting right now, and therefore the only one I pay attention to, since I mostly don't follow mainstream culture, I follow alternative culture instead. Also I think Maddona provided a very sexually healthy, positive view of things through her art back in her day and Gaga is continueing in the same vein. The whole bubble gum Miley Cyrus / Britney Spears thing on the other hand doesn't appeal to me at all, but that is definitely one end of the popular culture... on the more conformist judgmental side. I really hate the whole dichotomy they tend to promote of on the one hand making a profit out of teasing men (their sexuality seems to be unnatural and completely geared towards marketing and making a profit) but on the other end they still put up the clean / wholesome / middle American, I'm a good Christian act. I guess there a plenty of examples on the male side too like Jonas brothers.
Some actresses that come to mind off the top of my head with regards to sex appeal: would be Anjelina Jolie, Kate Beckisale, Rose Mcgowan...

R: Definitely Zoey Deschanel is sexy. She's hot as hell and fine with being herself and doing her own thing her way.

B:This subject is terribly touchy for me, as I feel my taste in women in popular culture, or" mainstream" is way off. I feel I'm a man of oldskool values. I love old cars, bikes, tattoos, and a good cigar. So you can keep you sickly thin skinrack models dressed in chrome lampshades ripping lines of coke off the spoiler of a lambo. The bejeweled Ed hardy sporting trucker hat broads that seem to go out of their way to play stupid, in hopes of finding someone to buy them drinks all night till they puke, make me want to skin myself alive then be set on fire. What the he'll ever happened to self worth? However I digress.... Basically immore attracted to a woman with curves. Dark long hair, beautiful eyes and a smile that could make cherubs hard..... If they had the parts for it of course. That "real" woman. Mainstream culture is soo far off from real these days, I can't bring myself to read a magazine, watch tv, or even browse the newspaper without finding myself let down.

3. Do you feel that there is an unfair representation of men in the media? Do you feel like the standards are impossible? Do you feel that women's standards are impossible?

C: That's a tough question, because i could go in so many different directions talking about men in the media...
I don't think a man should ever have to apologize or feel guilty for wanting sex & being interested in sex but i still feel that there are a lot of mixed messages coming from the media on the subject. I also feel like there is a message being given to guys that a guy should always wait to have sex out of respect for the woman & that women aren't as interested in having sex as guys and need to build comfort and trust over time excreta. A women is a perfect pure flower and put on a pedestal and a man is a dog basically.... You're supposed to be nice, buy gifts, take her to expensive dinners and that's how you get a woman interested in sex eventually... That's all bullshit... everyone is different. If two people are in a relationship and both want to wait thats fine, but what if the woman really does want to have sex right away, but a man is caught up with all this negative programming he's been fed from culture saying he has to wait... In that case the man is actually doing a huge dis-service to the woman my mind. If two mature people are attracted to each other, than why wait? I also hate the stereotype that a man who has a lot of sex partners is praised for it in our culture and women get called names like slut whore etc... that's why I'll never use those word in a derogatory way. I think if a woman wants to have a lot of sex partners and that's who she is that's great & she should be praised for being uninhibited.
I think men are often demonized for being men in popular culture when it comes to all of the sex scandels that go on... They are expected to apologize for things that happen in their personal lives that have nothing to do with anyone else except for the people involved. Like with Tiger Woods or any of the other politicians... who are we to judge whether what they did i right or wrong, we don't know all of the details, and even if we did everyone sets a different moral standard for themselves. personally i don't see a moral problem with having multiple lovers the only thing i would never do is be dishonest with someone i care about who is personally involved.
And lastly I have also come to realize more and more as i grow up that in our culture a woman's worth tends to be judged more on her physical beauty & men's worth is judged most on his wealth, job, accomplishments, & personality. Looks are still somewhat important on guys, they need to take care of what they do have(as in grooming), but still if they are strong in all of these other areas they can have average looks and still have a very high sexual worth... but for a woman it's the opposite, her looks are most important & the other areas (wealth/job/accomplishments/personality...) are still somewhat important but secondary to her looks. This is not really simply a problem of the media since there are good biological reasons to explain this and i'm not saying it's necessarily wrong either because then you would have to say human nature is wrong...the media just re-enforces it. Basically for a woman the good looks automatically equal money/worth(because it garauntees that she will be provided for by a man / men) but a man has to demonstrate it through accomplishments / status / confident personality. Look at a rap video where the guy has good chains and a nice car and beautiful women all around him for an obvious example. I guess as a man i feel like i am always being driven to try and accomplish things and be out going personality wise in order to increase sexual worth, which can have many positive results, but it can also be very tiring and depressing sometimes as it can feel like it's never good enough and yet beautiful women are basically handed everything based on their looks.(not saying that looking good doesn't take effort though, it does, as you are no doubt learning, just in a different way)

R: the media has set high standards for both sexes, that the perfect man is a rich, model looking man who makes the world a better place as a job, who is a mans man but completely in touch with his feelings. While the perfect woman is an absolute 10 while being down to earth, either the perfect house wife or the business class executive and looks runway ready at any given moment.

B: Standards seem to vary in culture. Women seem to have all this pressure to look, act, and treat other women a certain way. I'd have to say as Terrible as it sounds, women can act like sharks/ you get a bunch in confined quarters, toss a few drops of blood in there and it's a frenzy. This isn't always the case, I've seen women capable of maintaining amazing freindships. But culture seems to tell us that life is a competition, and both men and women should cheat, steal, and stab to get ahead. It's unfortunate really. Men inpart are in a very similiar boat. We are supposed to be square jawed, chisseled, hairless manboys. Unless you deal drugs and can affordto spend hours a day preening, it's just not realistic. What ever happened to bodyhair? When did society decide that we as men are supposed to maintain an impossible physique, wear purses, and have ridiculous thin "goatees" I appologize if you fit this description, I'm sure you've got a great personality..... I happen to love red meat. Real beer. Loud fast cars. And I'm not afraid to do my own oilchanges. Regardless of what culture tells me.

4. If you are comfortable doing so (and no I wont be offended no matter what your answer is so please be honest) could you rate me on a scale of sexiness between 1- 10, 10 being Goddess like stature of sexiness and 1 being your great grandmother. Rate me for your opinion, and then what you think the media presents as sexy if they differ.

C: i don't like that idea because no matter what i say there will probably be some part of you that will resent me for it... so I'm going to pass.

R: i highly doubt that you wouldn't be offended if i gave you a 1, but i think your around an 8 maybe a nine if you were in lingerie.

B:Rating my opinion of your attractiveness is easy and very difficult at the same time. Over time, and getting to know you, my opinion has changed. Not much, but I've had the pleasure of spending hours laughing and making ridiculous inside jokes about my misfortune, and the possible six kids I'll be fathering? Anyway if I must put a number to the question, I would say 7. You tall, terribly curvy, you hold yourself well, and you can hold your own In any facet of conversation. These are all attributes I respect greatly.however, your not 96 pounds, Terribly dumb, or high on painkillers and appetite supressors, so as far as what's "cultural" both you and I are outta the loop. Regardless, your sexy, and terribly funny.


Sanne Lambert:



Next week, we will tackle makeup and its application, and skin care!
Lazy D

Fashion!

So I’m a day late with the blog post. Let me give you my lame excuses for this. One I was hoping to do an interview with a Vancouver designer and I didn’t get it done in time which was totally my fault. It wasn’t until today that I realised I can just post it when I have it done. Two, my editor is going out of town for a while to professionally shoot kids in the face (paintball) and I wanted to get some extra editing in before he leaves. Three, it was the mother fucking Oscars last night and that may as well be a religious holiday for me.
Speaking of which didn’t all the starlets (with the exception of Sarah Jessica Parker who opted to wear a sheet) look lovely. It must be nice to have boat loads of money and pay a team to make you look fabulous. How are normal people suppose to keep up? Well I have compiled of list to help you make fashion work for you:
• Wear clothing that fits you. Whatever your style is your should avoid things that are too big or too small. How do you determine whether or not your clothing fit? Well here’s a hint, if it leaves red marks on your skin, you have to undo your pants to sit down, or the parts of you not covered in clothe bulge out, then it’s too small. If you can fit another person, a pillow, or your cat in any article of clothing, it’s too big. Seriously though, too big or too small makes you look bigger than you are. Too tight clothing = sausage, too loose hides your assets (ie, tits and ass). Go to a store that is a little on the posh side or that is a small business ( I say that only because you’re typical mall store is full of employees who don’t really care whether you buy or not) and let the sales person show you what size you actually are.
• Dress for the situation. You shouldn’t wear jeans to the opera and ball gowns aren’t appropriate for the grocery store. Think about where you’re going and plan your outfit accordingly. Gym strip is meant for the gym. Pajama bottoms are meant for the trip from your bathroom to your bed and vice versa after consuming a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. Lingerie is for seducing your lover or going to a fetish club.
• When in doubt dress up. Consider the event, but always air on the side of looking more dressy than less dressy. It shows whoever you’re seeing that you care enough about them to make an effort. Non skanky, non jean skirts will class up any outfit. Non jeans, sweat pants, yoga pants (yes this includes Lulu Lemon) also do the trick. Avoid oversized t-shirts, hoodies, and running shoes (tennis shoes or chucks are okay in my books when accessorized properly). While you’re at it wipe off last night’s electric blue eye shadow, run a comb through your hair, and brush your teeth.
• Be comfortable and weather appropriate. Comfort is easy to do, yes I just said dress up but if you chose clothing that fit you and aren’t from the Lady Gaga collection, you should be okay. Personally, I find corsets to be more comfortable than wearing a bra, but that’s just me. As for weather appropriate, nothing kills the mood of an outfit quicker than blue lips and hypothermia or sweating like a pig. Yes your brand new slutty party dress is killer but its minus 5, put a fucking jacket on, you stupid, stupid girl.
• Accent the parts of you, you like most. And in the same vein, diminish the parts you don’t like. This comes back to comfort. You may look fabulous but it that outfit is showing off your ass and you think you have ghetto booty (in a bad way, I personally love the junk in my trunk) then you’ll never wear it with confidence and it will therefore never look as good as it could. For example I love my breasts, my ass, my calves, and my collar bones but I’m not crazy about my thighs and I’m aware that my arms are not toned. My perfect outfit is a corset with a just above the knee crinoline skirt, vertical stripped stockings, heals, and a pair of sleeves or a shrug. It’s true that my ass isn’t getting showed off but the rest meets the criteria. Breast, calves, and collar bones are being highlighted (so is my ass if I bend over…) but my thighs and arms are camouflaged. I could walk into any room confidently (chances are I’d even table dance) because the clothes are amplifying my fabulousness!
• Have a signature piece. Go to a local business that makes their own clothing and get a piece that represents you. Let it be supremely yours. Wear it to special events. Feel special in it.
As far as this relates to the project, the media doesn’t really present men as like a particular style over other styles (except they seem to really like white wife beaters with jeans). So as long as you follow my suggestions, I say go for whatever style that tickles your fancy, with moderation. Don’t become a stereotype, mix your personality into it. Whether you’re partial to goth, indie, or douche bag (Ed Hardy) don’t let it define who you are, instead bend the style to fit your needs. My style has been called “alternative,” “burlesque,” “goth on the day off,” “hippie,” and a plethora of other things. I like corsets and skirts and my doc so that’s what I wear, the end. Anyways, here’s some pictures of my favorite outfits:







And my absolute favorite outfit of them all:





Next week, I’m taking a break. I’m overwhelmed with school work at the moment and I need to step back and refocus myself. And breathe. Does anyone else out there do yoga and laugh when the instructor says “remember to breathe” only to realize that you’ve totally forgotten to inhale/ exhale? It happens to me all the time. I will, however, be posting that video interview. And any other interviews I can pull out of my ass in the next week.
Roar.
La D

My diet fell apart in February

My diet fell apart in February. Excuses don’t change anything but I have them anyways. The 5th was my birthday while one day of binging is acceptable, a whole week of it isn’t, but damn it was tasty. Then the Olympics came to town and working ten hour days. I was too tired to make lunches so I grabbed whatever I could when it was time to eat. In the middle of the Olympics was reading break and by some miraculous act of the universe I managed to get two days off from school and work in a row. This was spent in bed with my editor... umm, editing and having him cook for me and then consuming what he cooked. We went for a couple walks but mostly I lay around and enjoyed being lazy and not having to be anywhere or do anything or anyone. Then at the end of the month (nowish) I got sick with the ‘too-many-people-in-the-sky-train’ plague. Or maybe it’s just a cold but I’m pretty sure I got it from the overcrowding of Olympic skytrains. Anyways I’ve been mowing down on cookies to make myself feel better and drinking fountains of coffee and tea with cream and sugar in between the almost lethal amounts of Dayquil and Nyquil I’m taking. Luckily I didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose any either. I was hoping to be under 160lbs* but that’s not happening so time to move on and get back on track.
I find that the most difficult part of trying to lose weight is exercise. I always find excuses not to exercise or I tell myself that what I do is enough (like walking to the bus or train and back). I can’t seem to make a commitment to an abstract, generalized thing like exercise. While I was walking down to the train this morning, it occurred to me that I can make a commitment to being a better dancer. I would really like to get to the level of belly dance where I could be performing. I think I was at that point or at least close to it three years ago but it has been ages since I put on a coin belt and danced. I also have this pole in my room. I sacrificed a real bed (I sleep on a foam mattress on the floor) so that I would have the space to spin and yet I rarely use and when I do use it, I get frustrated because I’m so out of practice.
I’ve decided to use the S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely) goal setting I learning in C.A.P.P. (career and personal planning) to B.A.B.D. (become a better dancer... ok that one needs work). March will be the month of dance. Every day I will do 10 minutes of yoga to warm up, do 60 crunches (20 center, 20 each side) and weights (open to suggestions) to strengthen my core, then 15 minutes of belly dance, 15 minutes of pole dance, and then another 10 minutes of yoga to cool down. That should work out to about an hour of exercise. I have time for an hour, I will make time. To make sure I do what I say I’m going to do I will be posting a belly dance and a pole dance video on youtube regardless of what my talent level is in the first week of April. Let the fear of public humiliation fuel me to practice.
I don’t think that calorie counting works for me for two main reason. First of all, I cheat. I know I’m cheating but I still do it. I’ve used everything from ‘it doesn’t count if you eat standing up’ to not counting if I only eat one cookie, to under estimating everything I consume. Second, it stresses me out. I get stressed from not being able to record what I’ve been eating on my spark page because I’m not near a computer. I get stressed because I’m hungry. I get stressed because I’m worried I may pass out from not eating enough. And most of all I get stressed from cheating all the time. So I’m going to try something else for March and if it doesn’t work I’ll go back to counting calories in April. I’m going to focus on eating smaller portion sizes, sticking to less fatty foods (choosing chicken or fish over beef and no fries), drinking lots of water, waiting to be hungry to eat, and cutting out/ back the sweets. I’ve been pretty good about not eating chocolate bars but cookies and baked goods seem to always find a way into my stomach. I’m also going to try to switch out coffee with cream and sugar for green tea and pack lunches for school and work.
I’ve been wondering if I need some kind of test at the end of this experiment. I think I am self aware enough to judge whether or not I feel happier or like a more complete person at the end of the 6 months but I’ve been trying to figure out whether or not I needed a test to see if I have made myself sexier. What do you think? I’ve been mulling over a few ideas in my head, let me know if any of these sound reasonable:
• Apply for serving position at restaurants that typically only hire hot girls like Sammy J Peppers, Earls, or Hooters (just applying to see if I get interviewed)
• Post a before and after picture on hot or not and see which has a better rating
• Apply for a position as a stripper (just applying to see if I get interviewed)
• Apply for a position as an escort (just applying to see if I get interviewed)
• Give head shots to local acting and modeling agencies
• Go to the bar and see if I get more or less attention than I have previously
• Apply to various nude magazines (just applying to see if they’d consider me)
• All of the above, none of the above?
What do you kids out in the land of the internet think? Are there things you would like to see more of on my blog? Should I do a video blog for a change of pace? Do I need more pictures and less talking? Less pictures and more talking? Please don’t say less talking and less pictures because that will just make me sad. Is there something that you desperately would like me to cover? Do you have exercise or diet suggestions for me? I am happy to incorporate anything you would like into my blog but if no one speaks up then I will just continue to post whatever I think is relative to the project. If you disagree with anything I’m saying or you think I’ve gone too far of the path I’ve set out for myself, please let me know. All and any feedback is welcome and I am grateful for it.
Next week I’m going to focus on a touchy subject, yes touchier than sex. Next week I’m going to talk about fashion and clothing. OMFG (those who know me well, know not to come between me and my wardrobe) <- what a stupid girly thing to say.
Time to put down that cookie and spin off the weight.
Double D.

Your Erotic Creature

Two weeks ago we went over how to be confident and last week we learned how to have good sex, so this week I’m focusing on how to embody your sex appeal which believe it or not has a lot to do with being confident with yourself and your sexuality. But first, an interview with the incredibly sexy and talent owner, operator, teacher, and founder of Allure Fitness (www.allurefitness.ca).



Devon: What does ‘sexy’ mean to you?
Chantel: To me, sexy means confidence

D Do you consider yourself sexy?
C Sometimes I consider myself sexy.. I'm working on it

D If you had to pick one woman who embodies sex appeal for you, who would that be? Why?
C Sex appeal... hmmm Well, my first thought is Angelina Jolie. I think she is incredibly sexy and hot. I love the humanitarian work she does. I also find Sofía Vergara very sexy. I love how curvy her body is.

D On a scale of 1-10 how important is it for women to identify with ‘sexy’?
C I think this depends on the individual. I myself think it's important for me, and to me... but I appreciate that for other women, it's not even on their radar to feel sexy, and they are not lacking b/c of it

D Does your definition of ‘sexy’ differ from the media’s representation?
C Yes, what I find sexy is not what is generally represented in the media. Although, the media is really a big part of our attitudes and beliefs even if we don't realize it. But, I myself do not find the 'hollywood' version of beauty (thin thin thin) very sexy.

D Do you feel like women are objectified in popular representation?
C Yes

D Do you feel like being objectified is negative?
C Yes, we are so much more than mere objects; Pretty accessories with which to sell things.

D Is confidence and sexuality related?
C I believe that good sex and confidence are definitely related.

D Is confidence and being ‘sexy’ related?
C yes

D Is sexuality and being ‘sexy’ related?
C They can be, but they are not mutually exclusive.

D From what you’ve seen in my blogs, am I sexy?
C YES!!!! I think you are incredibly sexy. I was so sad when I first read that you were trying to become more sexy. I felt sad thinking that you don't see how sexy you already are. Then I read more and you kind of spoke to that, so I felt a bit better. But, yes, you are so sexy :)

And now, a story from Devon:


Today I walked around Robson square in a corset and crinoline holding a sign over my head. In case you’ve been avoiding downtown during the Olympics, Robson square is easily one of the busiest places in Vancouver. The zip line is there. The art gallery is there. Grandville street is a stone’s throw away. On top of the busy- ness it was sunny, warm Saturday. I have never seen that many people in one place before. Ever. And yet, I held my sign proudly above my head, made eye contact, smiled, and posed for tourists’ pictures. I’m not sure if that’s something I could have done successfully a year ago.

Today I was a sex object. But I did not feel objectified. It could be argued that whether or not I felt it I was being objectified. And I don’t really have a reply to that because, it’s true, I can’t control what people are thinking but I did feel in control because I had the confidence to give myself the authority to be in control. Corsets are my comfort zone and in that zone I am in control. I think that’s the key. You must have control of the situation to be a good sex object otherwise you become objectified and sexiness becomes something that is done to you not something that you just are. Just look at some of the more timeless sex symbols: Marilyn Monroe, Sofia Loren, and Marlene Ditchert. Sexiness doesn’t happen to them, it’s part of them. Now you just need to find your sexiness.

I have a book called The S Factor and I highly recommend you read it if you are a woman who does not feel like she has sex appeal. One of the exercises is to name your erotic creature who hides within you beneath your jeans, hoodie, and running shoes. I love this concept and I think that it helps to locate one if you need to infuse your life with your sensual, sexual side. I’ve decided that mine is me. She doesn’t get another name. She is Devon and I am her (although upon occasion, I go by Mistress DD but that’s more for shits and giggles). She is a Goddess but not the new age Goddess who is in every woman and goes to the spa (although I do love the spa) and lights lavender candles. No, my Goddess (me) is the terrible, beautiful kind who smites entire villages and requires daily human sacrifice. Temples must be erected in my honour. If you cross me, not only will you suffer but so will your family, your neighbours, and your accountant. Obviously I am attracted to power so bow mortals and worship me.

Your erotic creature will probably be something different. It might be something cutesy like a playboy bunny or Lolita Goth school girl or maybe it’s something darker and dominatrix like or perhaps you’re a nature lover and it’s got more of a mother earth feel. But I assure you, she’s there and you’ll know her when you see her. Finding her will help lead you to expressing your sensual self outside of the bedroom and out in the real world.

Once you have established your sexier side and you start letting her out to play, the next step is the flirt. Media has shown me that men like women who like and show that they like men, or at least the attention of men. The flirt not only demonstrates that you like the attention of men but it also gives the impression of interest in sex without promising anything or coming across as a big old slut. I have found that the best way to make people think you are interested in them is to be interested. Its simplistic but it’s true and it works. Be engaged: make eye contact, listen, laugh at jokes, and ask questions related to the conversation. This is the foundation. Everything else is just icing.
You can amplify your interest by:
• Making slightly prolonged eye contact (bordering on creepy by not crossing over) and then looking away quickly
• Touching the person’s arm to underline points, give sympathy, or agree
• Touching your face, neck, and hair
• Crossing and uncrossing your legs in a short skirt, Sharon Stone style (ok maybe not)

Oh right I also made a youtube channel complete with lip gloss video, it may take me a few weeks but eventually I come through… Big thank you to my lovely editor who well, edited it for me.

Next week is my monthly weigh in… please excuse me while I run around the block…
Ms. Dale

Devon's Guide to Sex

Arg the Olympics and Valentine’s Day and essays due and lack of sleep and lack of exercise and working 7 days a week. It gets pretty stressful. The stress compounds and makes everything worse. What’s a girl to do? There is only one possible solution that fits my schedule and my budget: a really fucking good orgasm.
Just for you (and just in time for post Valentine’s blues) Devon’s quick and dirty guide to really fucking good sex.



I have three basic rules for basic sex involving two or more people:
1) Be safe. This should be obvious. Use protection. Get tested after each sexual partner. If you are cheating, get tested between your regular partner and the person your cheating with and vice versa. Don’t be a complete ass hat. Have respect for the health of the people you are fucking and respect for their loved ones. It may take some creative thinking to explain to your partner why you can’t have sex with them while you are waiting for test results but that’s what you get for fucking around without permission.
2) Communicate with your partner. This cannot be stressed enough. Yes its embarrassing to tell your partner to dress like a bunny but if that’s what gets you off they need to know. You’re about to get naked and put parts of you in parts of them or get parts on them in parts of you, get over it. Also remember to keep an open mind. You may not want to have your partner take a dump on your chest but listen, don’t laugh and come up with a reasonable compromise that works for both of you. Remember that sex in any form should take place between two consenting adults. Goats can’t give consent. Unconsciousness does not count as consent. I don’t care if your girlfriend left you for another woman and you’re a fat, balding pathetic loser with no future and a very small dick. Rape pretty much makes you worse than the scum of the earth and hell becomes too good for you. Plus she might blog about it later and then people will know you have a really small dick and are terrible in bed.
3) Masturbate and know your body. Knowing where to touch yourself will make it easier for you to guide your partner when you have sex with another person. Also its really fun and if you do it before bed, you’ll sleep better.
Three steps to having good sex with yourself:
1) Have a clean, uncluttered, quiet space to do it in. It’s not totally necessary but if you’re anything like me your head is probably full of stuff already; it’s hard enough to let go and enjoy. You don’t need to add laundry to the never ending to do list.
2) Buy toys! Research online. Go to your local sex shop and ask the helpful and friendly sales person for advice. Chances are they’ll let you try out anything you want (on your hand, you sicko) so you have an idea of how it works. Don’t cheap out. Get something that takes AA batteries (they’re easier and cheaper to obtain), dishwasher safe and water proof, if it is plastic no seams (its unhygienic), and no metallic paint (it chips). If you’re intimidated by sex shops try somewhere that doesn’t feel like a sex shop. For Vancouver I recommend Womyn’s Wear on Commercial and Qortezan in Yale town. Also lube is good. Look for water based.
3) Watch/ read/ look at porn. First it will help get you in the mood. Second it’ll help to let you know what you like. If you find that you’re more turned on from images of doggy style even though you’ve never done it before, it maybe something you wouldn’t necessarily have thought of to try with a partner which may lead to the best fucking orgasm you’ve ever had. Or it’ll just get you off when you’re alone. Either way, it’ll be fun. I prefer reading porn over watching it. Plus if you put a jacket on the cover you can read it on the bus and no one will ever know... or so I hear...
Random advice in no particular order:
• Threesomes! Make sure everyone involved knows their role and is comfortable with it. If you are a couple adding a third, discuss how much involvement you want the third person to have, discuss the gender of the third person (miscommunication could be hilarious and terrible), get everyone tested. Basically take all mystery out of it. It is the best way to prevent jealous and feelings of unease. The same goes for three unattached people who just want to have a threesome. Getting drunk and taking home someone from a bar may seem like a good idea at the time. But it isn’t, it’s messy, it’s dangerous, and it might fuck up everyone psychologically. Also going through a list of your single bi friends on Facebook is not an especially sound plan.
• Anal Sex! In hetero situations I find that men are more into the idea of buttsex than women are. You need permission to go through the back door. Don’t put up with someone who has anal without your permission. They are obviously very selfish and have betrayed your trust. Kick them to the curb. My general rule is that I will not consider anal sex until my partner lets me fuck them with a strap on. My bum has retained its virginity to date, which is a little disappointing because pegging sounds hot to me.
• BDSM! With the internet and the accessibility of sex toys (chances are you have a sex shop within walking distance) BDSM is becoming more and more popular for people who have no idea what they are doing. Research it on the internet. Don’t just strangle or tie up your partner. If you are in the Vancouver area, Metro Vancouver Kink puts on all kinds of wonderful workshops for beginners. They are non judgemental and friendly. Check it out before you end up checking your partner into the hospital.
• Same Sex Sex! You should have sex with someone of the same sex at least once. Trust me. This one is tricky. If you are of the mindset that everyone is bisexual or that you can have sex and enjoy it with someone of the same sex without being gay it may be easier to wrap your head around this idea. If not then just skip this point. Having sex with someone of the same sex will: 1) make masturbation better for you. It will give you ideas. The other person may do something you’ve never even thought of. 2) It will make it easier for when you’re with your partner. You can appreciate that it’s not always easy to get another woman/ man off. It will make it easier for you to communicate what you want and allow more patience when it’s just not working for you.
Obviously this is only the tip of the iceberg. I suggest getting a book about sex with pretty pictures, positions, and general advice. You may also want to check out Dan Savage’s Savage Love column in the back of the Georgia Straight or his youtube channel.

The media often portrays women as being very interested in sex but not necessarily experienced at it (no one wants a slut right?), I have come up with a very reasonable solution for this. Ask for anything you want (whips, chains, threesomes, foursomes, moresome) and then innocently claim you saw it in a porno once.
Go forth and fuck yourselves. Next week translating willingness to have sex into everything you do.
With love and lust,
Mistress DD

Confidence or Devon's excuse to get naked on the internet

I’m not sure how I would function without Google. If I had a dollar for every time I said Google it or I’ll Google it, I could probably buy Nathan Fillion (Captain Mal from Serenity and Firefly and my only male celebrity crush). Anyway, this week I started my ‘research’ for my blog the way I always start my research for anything. I Google imaged it. According to Google image the archetypal confident woman is a brunette in business attire with her arms crossed and either a toothy smile or a look of intensity. There is either a white back ground or a sky. Google dictates that confidence comes from power, status, and career.

Next I turned to my heroes, the ladies on my sexy women list. There seems to be a trend of them getting naked a lot. Well not all of them, but Amanda Palmer and the burlesque dancers for sure. Those three plus Zoe and Kim Boekbinder also wear corsets often or so it would appear from their photographs. Amanda Palmer is pretty much the epitome of confidence for me. She wore a see through dress to the Golden Globes. She doesn’t shave her arm pits or legs. She does shave her eyebrows. She is still the hottest women in any given room. There is a presence to her that cannot be ignored and I believe that it is her extreme confidence. And that to me is very, very sexy. They tell me confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. Fuck clothing.
I looked at film. Romantic Comedies suck. They are the void of confident women. The more I watch the more determined I am that they are possibly the most detrimental thing to women today. Not only do they perpetuate negative stereotypes for women but they encourage and reward them. They solidify the Madonna/ Whore complex. They should go to hell. I hate them. Action movies (which may I point out are marketed towards men) though, have wicked awesome confident women in them. They’re hot, independent, (usually) sexual without being objectified, and they kick ass. Films tell me confidence comes from the ability to snap necks.

Other women (like ones I know in real life) tell me that pole dancing is an excellent way to learn how to be confident with your sexuality and your body. I have to agree. I took lessons a few years ago which lead me to purchasing my own pole eventually. I took lessons at Allure Fitness (www.allurefitness.ca) with Chantel (who is so sexy, amazing, and an excellent role model for anyone). I’m a little too awkward to be sexy but I feel strong and accomplished when I kick off and spin or hang upside down. As far as exercise goes, I’m not sure if I burn as many calories as when I run on a tread mill but I feel a million times better. I’m a huge advocate of belly dance for the similar reasons. Moving your hips to music feels so sexy. It creates love for the parts of a woman which many women try to hide. It gives your ‘problem areas’ confidence. According to women I love, confidence comes from a pole.

Pop stars tell me that confidence comes from owning and exploiting your sexuality. Look at GAGA. She does what she wants. She doesn’t wear pants. It is arguable that pop tarts are objectified by their record companies to sell their image but, call me naive, I believe that these women must be at least a little bit confident to run around grinding everything and anything. Yes, it creates bad role models for little girls. Yes, it degrades women making them objects instead of people. But think about, men and women, could you stand up in a group of people in your under wear grinding your pelvis without blushing, without feeling awkward, without thinking you’re having one of ‘those’ dreams? It’s not a positive image but it does take balls. Pop stars tell me confidence is grinding things.

In the mean time, here is Devon’s cheat sheet to Confidence for women (keep in mind Leonard Cohen while you read this “Act the way you want to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.”):
1) Have a job you feel in control in, doesn’t matter how much you get paid or what your position is. Just feel like you’re in control and that you make a difference. Oh and that you have fun doing it. Wearing a blazer may help.


2) Run around naked at home. Do it when no one else is there. Get used to not wearing clothing. Enjoy it. See #5 for how to do this while loving your body.


3) Wear Corsets (trust me). Or more generally clothing that you’re comfortable in and feel good wearing. Sweat pants are not an option unless its Friday night and you’re alone and you have cake and red wine. Corsets, though, will make your waist small and your breasts large in a matter of minutes. If you find a well made one, they’re actually really comfortable and it will improve your posture. Plus you get to wear a corset.


4) Take a self defence or karate class. Feel strong, get in shape. Don’t start your own fight club. Don’t hang around alleys at night. But know that you can throw a punch and hopefully block punches too.



5) Try pole dancing or belly dancing or burlesque dancing or something that makes you think “damn I’m fucking hot” when you do it. Even if, at first, you only feel that way in class. Let yourself feel hot for that hour a week. It’ll transfer to other areas of your life like when you’re running around the house naked.


6) Grind everything. Just kidding. But in all seriousness, masturbate, a lot. And stop faking it in bed. Don’t settle for anything but awesome. Make sex (even if it’s only you) about you and love every minute of it. Own your pleasure. Not to go on a rant, but I find that society focuses sex on male pleasure and places women in a subservient role of providing that pleasure. Obviously it’s not the case for many couples but society wise that’s how I feel things are framed. So fuck that and literally go fuck yourself to see what you like and then make your partner do it too. In my humble opinion of an avid masturbator, your confidence will increase when you’re comfortable asking for what you want (and start to get it!).


I know that this blog is a little long compared to the others ( I try to keep them around 1200 words) but I wanted to share some thing from my life. This week was my birthday and I had to give a half hour presentation on something I knew absolutely nothing about. I’m usually pretty good at faking it through university. Sometimes I study but more often than not I’m just bluffing. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. But I bluff with confidence so people rarely question it. Anyways, I wore my corset and my version of a blazer and I went feeling hot and with the intention of entertaining the class with my wit and charm for 30 minutes. I don’t know how I did grade wise but I felt good. My point is that sometimes looking good is enough to get through something you don’t want to do. Maybe that’s not the way to get through life but when it comes down to focusing on feeling hot over running out of the room crying from being a failure, I’ll take the former any day. As my birthday goes, my mom took me out lingerie shopping. I came out of the change room to look in the big mirrors and I felt good doing it. I owned the hallway at La Vie En Rose. I admit that I haven’t worn the lingerie for anyone but myself yet but I look damn fine in it and it makes me feel good. In a world so full of crap and heart ache and misery, I’m going to take what happiness I can get, even if it comes from vanity driven, nudity suggested photos I post on a blog or twitter.

And on that note, next week I start talking about sex and sexuality and likely sexual orientation.
Love
Lady D.D.